Wow! I can't believe I haven't posted since June! Since it's Jan. 5, I have been reflecting on the events, growth and progress that took place in 2015. Our journey with D has quieted down considerably over the past 6 months. I thought this would be a good time to post an update and share some positives for which I am grateful.
As you may know from past posts, our youngest went through the IEP process at the end of last school year. He was placed at a school that can meet his behavioral needs and provide substantial support that can move him forward. He spent the last 2 weeks of the school year getting acquainted at the school. He was also accepted into the 5 week summer program. He did really well over the summer and we were very pleased with his new situation. As the new school year got started in August, our son's transition was a bit rough. For the first time in this situation, he had schoolwork to complete that became consistent. He struggled with wanting to complete his homework. He went from a first-year, gentle, female teacher to a seasoned, male teacher. He tested the new boundaries before settling in to better behavior and work habits. After getting accustomed to his new classroom situation, he was eager to share with us that he was one of 2 fourth graders in a fifth grade classroom. He kept telling us he actually skipped fourth grade and was now a fifth grader! In truth, his abilities were such that he could handle the challenges of being in a mixed grade classroom. He has been doing well academically.
We continue to make alterations to his medication, not being convinced that he is receiving the maximum benefit from it yet. It's been over a year, but we are moving in the right direction. The school and doctor are in close communication, making adjustments as they go. The diagnosis of bipolar disorder has not seemed to prove itself true. The consulting psychiatrist for the school did an evaluation of our son and also met with me for a 90 minute session. That opportunity was a gift. It provided additional feedback that was most helpful.
At the school, the students are considered to be at 1 of 5 levels, level 1 being poor and level 5 being the top level with extra priviledges. Each student starts at a level 2 when they begin at the school, giving them opportunity to move up or down as needed. At this time, D has moved up to a level 5 and has been at that level for a significant period of time. When he has been at a level 5 for 30 consecutive days, he is considered for a very gradual, careful transition back to his home school. The staff do everything they can for a success and ,hopefully, permanent transition. We may see that before the end of the school year. He receives group therapy and individual therapy with his assigned social worker at school weekly. The positive reinforcement is abundant and offers incentives like shopping for snacks or small prizes at "Paw-Mart" to some larger things like an in-school movie and a field trip to a local bowling alley. The school hosted a holiday party given by the wives of the Chicago Bears where the students got to meet a retired player and also #33, Jeremy Langford, who is a rookie we've been keeping a closer eye on since his visit.
All in all, D is doing well and feeling successful. At home, he still struggles with outbursts, but seems to be improving with each med change. We had a good break over Christmas. Yesterday morning, he gladly got on the bus and seemed excited to return to school. I am thankful for our forward progress. In addition to the support at school, we have been involved with family therapy with a couple independent counselors. It has given us support, as parents, and D seems to have benefited from it. I am not sure what benefit our other boys have received. I am trusting that the growth we've seen will continue. Life is still chaotic much of the time and the dynamics when the boys are together tends to be difficult, but I am optimistic for the future. We savor every step of progress and prayerfully keep moving forward, trusting that God will continue His work in the hearts and lives of us and our children.
Tuesday, January 5, 2016
Thursday, June 25, 2015
Defuse the Drama: How to Handle ADHD Meltdowns
This article is full of good advice for dealing with hormones + ADHD. We have a lot of both in our house. Meltdowns are a daily occurrence.
Tell yourself, "Stay calm, stay calm, stay calm!" You can do this!
Defuse the Drama: How to Handle ADHD Meltdowns
Tell yourself, "Stay calm, stay calm, stay calm!" You can do this!
Defuse the Drama: How to Handle ADHD Meltdowns
Monday, June 22, 2015
She said the "B" Word!
It's not the first time I've heard it. Many people don't have any idea what it means.
Hearing that word from the psychiatrist's lips this morning was like being punched in the gut. Having grown up with a mother who had been diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder, I understood the ramifications of the "B" word. From the moment I knew I was expecting our first child, I have carried around the fear that one of our children would be diagnosed with bipolar disorder. My sister and I prayed we would not ever have to deal with mental illness ourselves or in our families, knowing that there was a chance that we or our children could inherit it from our mom.
Going back for a med recheck, I shared our son's IEP and the fact that he was now attending a therapeutic day school with our pediatric psychiatrist. She asked some questions about family history and read through the evaluation. Then she said the "B" word! She suspects that our son may be dealing both with ADHD and Bipolar Disorder and prescribed a mood stabilizer that was familiar to me because my mom took it.
For those who are not familiar with this term, bipolar disorder used to be called manic depression. It is a disorder affecting the neurotransmitters of the brain causing a person to shift from periods of extreme manic behavior to episodes of severe depression. These shifts can happen every few months. The person with bipolar disorder can have well periods in between or shift from a manic state directly into a depressive state.
According to The Bipolar Child by Demitri Papolos, M.D. and Janice Papolos,
"Bipolar disorder in children presents very differently from how it presents in adults. Children rarely fit the same recognizable pattern They may have a more chronic course of illness where they cycle back and forth with few discernible well periods in between. Some tend to cycle rapidly (more than four times a year); some cycle within the week or month...and many cycle so rapidly that they fit a pattern called ultra-ultrarapid cycling). They may have frequent spikes of highs and lows within a twenty-four-hour period.
Almost all bipolar children have certain temperamental and behavioral traits in common. They tend to be inflexible and oppositional, they tend to be extraordinarily irritable, and a large majority experience periods of explosive rage."
Now that you have a basic understanding of the disease, let me tell you why this word induces fear in me. ADHD seems pretty commonplace and accepted in our culture. There's an opportunity to appreciate and focus on the positive traits of ADHD. With a multimodal approach to treatment, a person can have a pretty normal life. However, Bipolar Disorder is labeled as a mental illness. It is considered a disease that requires medication. A person with bipolar disorder can lead a pretty normal life, but the mood swings can be extreme and come with life altering consequences. Medications are very important in treating it. Bipolar also comes with a stigma. When I was young, I remember my mom telling us not to tell anyone about her illness. She did not reach out for support because of her fear of being stigmatized. There was another man in our community that also had Bipolar Disorder who was nicknamed "Crazy Ed". He would wander the streets in our neighborhood and all the kids were afraid of him. Looking back, I am sad that even my parents didn't dispel the rumors about Ed.
Though it's not certain that BD is what my son is dealing with, I don't want him to carry the stigma of that label around with him. He's a wonderful kid with a colorful personality. Our approach to him won't change. We continue to focus on his strengths and work with him to recognize and deal with his emotions in a productive way. If he indeed has BD, I will grieve for him (and me) knowing the challenges ahead, but I am thankful we have gotten help when he is young, knowing that early intervention may save him from carrying negative coping mechanisms into his adult life. We proceed with much prayer and taking it a day at a time.
Bipolar!
Hearing that word from the psychiatrist's lips this morning was like being punched in the gut. Having grown up with a mother who had been diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder, I understood the ramifications of the "B" word. From the moment I knew I was expecting our first child, I have carried around the fear that one of our children would be diagnosed with bipolar disorder. My sister and I prayed we would not ever have to deal with mental illness ourselves or in our families, knowing that there was a chance that we or our children could inherit it from our mom.
Going back for a med recheck, I shared our son's IEP and the fact that he was now attending a therapeutic day school with our pediatric psychiatrist. She asked some questions about family history and read through the evaluation. Then she said the "B" word! She suspects that our son may be dealing both with ADHD and Bipolar Disorder and prescribed a mood stabilizer that was familiar to me because my mom took it.
For those who are not familiar with this term, bipolar disorder used to be called manic depression. It is a disorder affecting the neurotransmitters of the brain causing a person to shift from periods of extreme manic behavior to episodes of severe depression. These shifts can happen every few months. The person with bipolar disorder can have well periods in between or shift from a manic state directly into a depressive state.
According to The Bipolar Child by Demitri Papolos, M.D. and Janice Papolos,
"Bipolar disorder in children presents very differently from how it presents in adults. Children rarely fit the same recognizable pattern They may have a more chronic course of illness where they cycle back and forth with few discernible well periods in between. Some tend to cycle rapidly (more than four times a year); some cycle within the week or month...and many cycle so rapidly that they fit a pattern called ultra-ultrarapid cycling). They may have frequent spikes of highs and lows within a twenty-four-hour period.
Almost all bipolar children have certain temperamental and behavioral traits in common. They tend to be inflexible and oppositional, they tend to be extraordinarily irritable, and a large majority experience periods of explosive rage."
Now that you have a basic understanding of the disease, let me tell you why this word induces fear in me. ADHD seems pretty commonplace and accepted in our culture. There's an opportunity to appreciate and focus on the positive traits of ADHD. With a multimodal approach to treatment, a person can have a pretty normal life. However, Bipolar Disorder is labeled as a mental illness. It is considered a disease that requires medication. A person with bipolar disorder can lead a pretty normal life, but the mood swings can be extreme and come with life altering consequences. Medications are very important in treating it. Bipolar also comes with a stigma. When I was young, I remember my mom telling us not to tell anyone about her illness. She did not reach out for support because of her fear of being stigmatized. There was another man in our community that also had Bipolar Disorder who was nicknamed "Crazy Ed". He would wander the streets in our neighborhood and all the kids were afraid of him. Looking back, I am sad that even my parents didn't dispel the rumors about Ed.
Though it's not certain that BD is what my son is dealing with, I don't want him to carry the stigma of that label around with him. He's a wonderful kid with a colorful personality. Our approach to him won't change. We continue to focus on his strengths and work with him to recognize and deal with his emotions in a productive way. If he indeed has BD, I will grieve for him (and me) knowing the challenges ahead, but I am thankful we have gotten help when he is young, knowing that early intervention may save him from carrying negative coping mechanisms into his adult life. We proceed with much prayer and taking it a day at a time.
Thursday, June 11, 2015
One Boy Speaks
I was touched by this well-written Letter to the Editor by Dylan Thompson. My heart goes out to ADHD kids who's self esteem is shaped by the words and opinions of others who don't understand how ADHD affects them. I see my own children struggling with feelings of inadequacy brought on by fall-out from their impulsive choices and uncontrolled emotions.
One Boy Speaks
One Boy Speaks
Wednesday, June 10, 2015
Navigating the Unfamiliar Rapids of an IEP
I had just returned home from the hospital the previous day from gallbladder surgery. That was quite unexpected! I had watched the boys board the bus and expected a quiet morning, resting while waiting for some friends to arrive in the afternoon who were staying for a few days. About mid-morning I hear the phone ring and my heart drops as I see that it's the grade school calling. As I answer I hear my son screaming in the background as the assistant principal tells me again that I must come immediately to pick him up.
This scenario went a little differently than in the past. There was a stand-off in progress in the principal's office while I was briefed on the events that led up to this moment. My son was on the far side of the conference table with batteries in his hand, ready to throw them at any one of the three adults trying to calm him down. As I enter, I also try to calm him to no avail. The principal and psychologist ask me to step into another room with them while someone else stayed with my son until I was ready to escort him out of the building.
This is when I hear something I never expected to hear. "We've tried everything we know of to help support your son, but we've done everything we can for him. We are recommending him for a case study so that he can receive more support." I agreed that the situation had gotten increasingly worse with his emotional outbursts and needing to be restrained. My eyes filled with tears of grief and frustration. I took him home along with a letter explaining his 2 day suspension.
Later that day, the school psychologist was to drop off a set of crutches my son had taken to school that were left in the classroom where testing had been in progress when he was removed. I was not surprised when a car pulled up in the driveway later that day. I was, however, surprised that the principal got out and walked up to the front door with the psychologist. As I invited them in, they joined me in the living room. The psychologist had a folder full of papers in his hands along with the returned crutches. As they sat down, he explained that they wanted to start the process for an IEP evaluation and needed my consent. They wanted to expedite the process since there was only 2 weeks of school left in order to schedule a meeting before summer. I agreed with their criteria as the documents were read to me. I only wished that they hadn't dropped in on me unexpectedly so that my husband could have been present.
I was generally acquainted with the IEP process, having taken a class addressing teaching kids with special needs when I first moved to Illinois to receive my Illinois teaching certification. I had also read a lot about IEP's and 504's as I educated myself about all the possible resources for my kids with ADHD as we navigated the public education system. I had always assumed that the parents initiated the process, though. I decided to read up on it more after our visitors headed home.
Monday came and so did an appointment with a new doctor who we hoped would be able to fine tune my son's medication. We were hopeful that this was the solution to the emotional outbursts that had escalated at school and at home. The doctor prescribed Intuniv to be taken along with the Focalin XR. I was able to fill the prescription as soon as we returned home and give it to my son that evening. In my mind, once his meds were regulated, that would take care of the problems he was having in school.
That afternoon, the psychologist called. He proceeded to drop a bomb that sent me reeling. He told me that the IEP meeting was set for the following Monday at 11:30. Could I make it? There was no finding a common time that was convenient for all parties. Then he said that he would be recommending that my son be transferred to a therapeutic day school where he could receive the support he needed. He wanted me to find a time to meet him there to tour the school in the next 2-3 days. My mind was swimming at this point with emotion, panic. What was happening?! I called my husband who, too, was concerned at the pace this process was proceeding. We had never been through this before. We didn't understand what was going on.
I decided to get some counsel from people who could inform us about what was occurring. I called a social worker I knew in the district. She felt that the recommended school was a good one. I called and asked the psychologist who had diagnosed our son if we could meet as soon as possible to discuss our options. I also called a dear friend who had taught in the district for many years and was intimately familiar with the IEP process. Both she and our psychologist were concerned about the pace of the process. Having everything happen in the span of less than two weeks was uncharacteristic of the norm. It was suggested that we put a hold on the process and wait until the beginning of next school year to have our son evaluated, after his med issues had been dealt with.
With our busy schedules, my husband and I had very little time to process all that was happening. I researched our rights and shared all the information I was collecting and all of the advise I was given. We decided to draft a letter requesting that the process be suspended and rescinded our consent for the evaluation until next school year. This was sent to the school personnel and to the director of special education for the district. We felt a little relief about slowing up the process instead of being carried by the current down a river we felt out of control to navigate.
The next day, the principal left a message that we should meet so she could explain "the repercussions related to our request." That sounded so negative, thus putting us on the defensive. We were already so fearful we were being coerced to send our son away. Later that day, we received an e-mail from the director of special education who invited us in a more amicable tone to meet with her. We made arrangements to meet the following afternoon, which was the Friday before the Monday scheduled meeting.
The meeting with the director was preceded by prayer and preparation. We went forward with it with much fear and trepidation. Being from the homeschool community which generally does not trust the public schools and having heard horror stories about negative encounters with the powers that be in public education, we put our trust in God to protect our son and make us the best advocates for his best interest. I prayed for courage.
The meeting was the best thing about this whole situation. The director empathetically listened to our fears, our concerns for our son's best interests and our emotional reaction to some things that had happened. She addressed each of the issues in a way that put our minds at ease with going forward with the meeting the next Monday. I appreciated that she expressed going through a very similar process as a parent with her own son having similar needs to ours. She sincerely apologized for the manner in which things were handled. It was a matter of the IEP team being so familiar with the process taking for granted that we were starting from the same knowledge base as they were. Also, she filled in the blanks of some background information that would have reassured us if it had been communicated when the process was initiated by the school.
We needed to again give consent for the process to continue and attend the meeting. We also asked our teacher friend from the district to attend with us as our advocate since she had sat through so many IEP meetings in her 25 years of teaching. Our psychologist also agreed to be connected by phone to contribute his input. We were at peace. The director also attended in the role of LEA (local education agency) representative. We felt our concerns would be represented and we were able to be contributing members of our son's team.
The meeting was like a whirlwind. Though it lasted about 1 1/2 hrs., it seemed to rush by. For the most part, the psychologist read the evaluation at lightning speed. There was so much to cover. It went so quickly that though I was prepared to contribute (as briefed by a parents' rights website) by sharing our son's strengths and asking some questions, I didn't see opportunity to do so. Although, all of my concerns were addressed and those who were there from the school were very familiar with my son's relational and academic strengths. The piece that surprised me was the sighting of 10 major disciplinary infractions during the first few months of school. It was stated that there have been behavioral concerns since the beginning of the year. I didn't realize that the notes that came home at that time were serious issues or out of the ordinary. They were all infractions that took place at recess or lunch or on the bus - unstructured times during the day. That made sense to me.
The two parts of the meeting were first to determine if he was eligible for special services and then second to set measurable goals for him to work toward achieving with resources recommended to help him reach those goals in good time. Three placement options were suggested, but the special school was really the only viable option with his extreme physical responses. When I visited the school the previous week, I actually felt like it was a good fit for our son. It had small class sizes, lots of positive reinforcement and structure and an intervention office that was trained and equipped to handle those emotional meltdowns that had led to the suspensions at his regular school. I also liked that the evaluation system that was used to determine his readiness to transition back to the least restrictive environment meant that as soon as he was ready, he would be brought back to the district and probably the regular classroom setting as soon as was possible.
With all of that said, my husband and I consented to the recommendations. The assistant principal of the therapeutic day school was present in the meeting and our signed consent put in motion all the processing needed to set up transportation and admission into the school by Friday (3 days hence)! So, he was able to start attending about 1 1/2 weeks before the close of the school year. He could use this time to adjust to his new situation with minimal academic requirements. He also qualified for the extended year program which includes 5 weeks of attendance for half days, four days a week starting in mid-June. In the summer they focus less on academics and more on social development and therapy. They have 6 social workers on staff and each student receives 1 hour of one-on-one therapy each week. They also offer services to the families of the students attending so the parents can consult with a psychiatrist or social worker regarding issues at home.
I hope that my description of events communicates the emotional journey I experienced during this fast-paced process. I know that I am one of innumerable parents who has had to navigate the waters of the IEP process for one of her children. Our experience was not typical as far as pace and timing, but I hope that it can give parents who have yet to embark on this daunting adventure a glimpse of the waters ahead. Though we felt some tension in relationship to the school personnel, we were able to communicate our concerns and resolve any issues we had. We bear no ill will toward the grade school staff and look forward to continued communication at the time that our son transitions back into his home school.
This scenario went a little differently than in the past. There was a stand-off in progress in the principal's office while I was briefed on the events that led up to this moment. My son was on the far side of the conference table with batteries in his hand, ready to throw them at any one of the three adults trying to calm him down. As I enter, I also try to calm him to no avail. The principal and psychologist ask me to step into another room with them while someone else stayed with my son until I was ready to escort him out of the building.
This is when I hear something I never expected to hear. "We've tried everything we know of to help support your son, but we've done everything we can for him. We are recommending him for a case study so that he can receive more support." I agreed that the situation had gotten increasingly worse with his emotional outbursts and needing to be restrained. My eyes filled with tears of grief and frustration. I took him home along with a letter explaining his 2 day suspension.
Later that day, the school psychologist was to drop off a set of crutches my son had taken to school that were left in the classroom where testing had been in progress when he was removed. I was not surprised when a car pulled up in the driveway later that day. I was, however, surprised that the principal got out and walked up to the front door with the psychologist. As I invited them in, they joined me in the living room. The psychologist had a folder full of papers in his hands along with the returned crutches. As they sat down, he explained that they wanted to start the process for an IEP evaluation and needed my consent. They wanted to expedite the process since there was only 2 weeks of school left in order to schedule a meeting before summer. I agreed with their criteria as the documents were read to me. I only wished that they hadn't dropped in on me unexpectedly so that my husband could have been present.
I was generally acquainted with the IEP process, having taken a class addressing teaching kids with special needs when I first moved to Illinois to receive my Illinois teaching certification. I had also read a lot about IEP's and 504's as I educated myself about all the possible resources for my kids with ADHD as we navigated the public education system. I had always assumed that the parents initiated the process, though. I decided to read up on it more after our visitors headed home.
Monday came and so did an appointment with a new doctor who we hoped would be able to fine tune my son's medication. We were hopeful that this was the solution to the emotional outbursts that had escalated at school and at home. The doctor prescribed Intuniv to be taken along with the Focalin XR. I was able to fill the prescription as soon as we returned home and give it to my son that evening. In my mind, once his meds were regulated, that would take care of the problems he was having in school.
That afternoon, the psychologist called. He proceeded to drop a bomb that sent me reeling. He told me that the IEP meeting was set for the following Monday at 11:30. Could I make it? There was no finding a common time that was convenient for all parties. Then he said that he would be recommending that my son be transferred to a therapeutic day school where he could receive the support he needed. He wanted me to find a time to meet him there to tour the school in the next 2-3 days. My mind was swimming at this point with emotion, panic. What was happening?! I called my husband who, too, was concerned at the pace this process was proceeding. We had never been through this before. We didn't understand what was going on.
I decided to get some counsel from people who could inform us about what was occurring. I called a social worker I knew in the district. She felt that the recommended school was a good one. I called and asked the psychologist who had diagnosed our son if we could meet as soon as possible to discuss our options. I also called a dear friend who had taught in the district for many years and was intimately familiar with the IEP process. Both she and our psychologist were concerned about the pace of the process. Having everything happen in the span of less than two weeks was uncharacteristic of the norm. It was suggested that we put a hold on the process and wait until the beginning of next school year to have our son evaluated, after his med issues had been dealt with.
With our busy schedules, my husband and I had very little time to process all that was happening. I researched our rights and shared all the information I was collecting and all of the advise I was given. We decided to draft a letter requesting that the process be suspended and rescinded our consent for the evaluation until next school year. This was sent to the school personnel and to the director of special education for the district. We felt a little relief about slowing up the process instead of being carried by the current down a river we felt out of control to navigate.
The next day, the principal left a message that we should meet so she could explain "the repercussions related to our request." That sounded so negative, thus putting us on the defensive. We were already so fearful we were being coerced to send our son away. Later that day, we received an e-mail from the director of special education who invited us in a more amicable tone to meet with her. We made arrangements to meet the following afternoon, which was the Friday before the Monday scheduled meeting.
The meeting with the director was preceded by prayer and preparation. We went forward with it with much fear and trepidation. Being from the homeschool community which generally does not trust the public schools and having heard horror stories about negative encounters with the powers that be in public education, we put our trust in God to protect our son and make us the best advocates for his best interest. I prayed for courage.
The meeting was the best thing about this whole situation. The director empathetically listened to our fears, our concerns for our son's best interests and our emotional reaction to some things that had happened. She addressed each of the issues in a way that put our minds at ease with going forward with the meeting the next Monday. I appreciated that she expressed going through a very similar process as a parent with her own son having similar needs to ours. She sincerely apologized for the manner in which things were handled. It was a matter of the IEP team being so familiar with the process taking for granted that we were starting from the same knowledge base as they were. Also, she filled in the blanks of some background information that would have reassured us if it had been communicated when the process was initiated by the school.
We needed to again give consent for the process to continue and attend the meeting. We also asked our teacher friend from the district to attend with us as our advocate since she had sat through so many IEP meetings in her 25 years of teaching. Our psychologist also agreed to be connected by phone to contribute his input. We were at peace. The director also attended in the role of LEA (local education agency) representative. We felt our concerns would be represented and we were able to be contributing members of our son's team.
The meeting was like a whirlwind. Though it lasted about 1 1/2 hrs., it seemed to rush by. For the most part, the psychologist read the evaluation at lightning speed. There was so much to cover. It went so quickly that though I was prepared to contribute (as briefed by a parents' rights website) by sharing our son's strengths and asking some questions, I didn't see opportunity to do so. Although, all of my concerns were addressed and those who were there from the school were very familiar with my son's relational and academic strengths. The piece that surprised me was the sighting of 10 major disciplinary infractions during the first few months of school. It was stated that there have been behavioral concerns since the beginning of the year. I didn't realize that the notes that came home at that time were serious issues or out of the ordinary. They were all infractions that took place at recess or lunch or on the bus - unstructured times during the day. That made sense to me.
The two parts of the meeting were first to determine if he was eligible for special services and then second to set measurable goals for him to work toward achieving with resources recommended to help him reach those goals in good time. Three placement options were suggested, but the special school was really the only viable option with his extreme physical responses. When I visited the school the previous week, I actually felt like it was a good fit for our son. It had small class sizes, lots of positive reinforcement and structure and an intervention office that was trained and equipped to handle those emotional meltdowns that had led to the suspensions at his regular school. I also liked that the evaluation system that was used to determine his readiness to transition back to the least restrictive environment meant that as soon as he was ready, he would be brought back to the district and probably the regular classroom setting as soon as was possible.
With all of that said, my husband and I consented to the recommendations. The assistant principal of the therapeutic day school was present in the meeting and our signed consent put in motion all the processing needed to set up transportation and admission into the school by Friday (3 days hence)! So, he was able to start attending about 1 1/2 weeks before the close of the school year. He could use this time to adjust to his new situation with minimal academic requirements. He also qualified for the extended year program which includes 5 weeks of attendance for half days, four days a week starting in mid-June. In the summer they focus less on academics and more on social development and therapy. They have 6 social workers on staff and each student receives 1 hour of one-on-one therapy each week. They also offer services to the families of the students attending so the parents can consult with a psychiatrist or social worker regarding issues at home.
I hope that my description of events communicates the emotional journey I experienced during this fast-paced process. I know that I am one of innumerable parents who has had to navigate the waters of the IEP process for one of her children. Our experience was not typical as far as pace and timing, but I hope that it can give parents who have yet to embark on this daunting adventure a glimpse of the waters ahead. Though we felt some tension in relationship to the school personnel, we were able to communicate our concerns and resolve any issues we had. We bear no ill will toward the grade school staff and look forward to continued communication at the time that our son transitions back into his home school.
Thursday, April 30, 2015
Self Care for Moms
Being a parent of one special needs kiddo can take it's toll. If you have more than one, your reserves can get depleted even quicker. Here are some ideas for taking a break that can fill your tank so that you can be the best parent you can be for your children.
1. Quiet time alone. Take some time for yourself. Have your spouse or a friend take the children so that you can recharge. Read a book (that's not a parenting or self improvement book). Take time to pray. Write in a journal. Listen to calming music...anything that brings refreshment to your soul. Give yourself permission to have some down time.
2. Laugh. Did you know that laughter really is the best medicine? Watch a comedy, get together with friends that tickle your funny bone. Get silly with your kids.
3. Take care of your health. Eat healthy. Find a form of exercise that you enjoy and look forward to. Taking care of yourself combats the effects of stress on the body.
4. Find support. Connect with another mom who is on a similar journey as you. Having someone else who understands your daily struggles can in itself provide encouragement and hope. Be that kind of support for someone else. Look for a local support group in your area.
5. Make time for a hobby or interest. Scrapbook, paint, write, play Bunco, learn to play an instrument. Pour yourself into something that brings enjoyment and makes you feel accomplished.
6. Enjoy a healthy sex life!
Increase your dopamine levels. All of the above activities increase the production of dopamine which is the "feel good" chemical in the brain. If you are dealing with stressful circumstances it's easy to look for dopamine release through overeating, alcohol, illicit drugs or pornography. These activities can damage your physical, emotional, spiritual and relational health. Instead, find positive, beneficial ways to get your dopamine fix. Pick something to do that will fill you up daily, weekly, monthly, consistently to keep yourself from running on empty. When you take care of you, you are able to take care of those who need you most.
1. Quiet time alone. Take some time for yourself. Have your spouse or a friend take the children so that you can recharge. Read a book (that's not a parenting or self improvement book). Take time to pray. Write in a journal. Listen to calming music...anything that brings refreshment to your soul. Give yourself permission to have some down time.
2. Laugh. Did you know that laughter really is the best medicine? Watch a comedy, get together with friends that tickle your funny bone. Get silly with your kids.
3. Take care of your health. Eat healthy. Find a form of exercise that you enjoy and look forward to. Taking care of yourself combats the effects of stress on the body.
4. Find support. Connect with another mom who is on a similar journey as you. Having someone else who understands your daily struggles can in itself provide encouragement and hope. Be that kind of support for someone else. Look for a local support group in your area.
5. Make time for a hobby or interest. Scrapbook, paint, write, play Bunco, learn to play an instrument. Pour yourself into something that brings enjoyment and makes you feel accomplished.
6. Enjoy a healthy sex life!
Increase your dopamine levels. All of the above activities increase the production of dopamine which is the "feel good" chemical in the brain. If you are dealing with stressful circumstances it's easy to look for dopamine release through overeating, alcohol, illicit drugs or pornography. These activities can damage your physical, emotional, spiritual and relational health. Instead, find positive, beneficial ways to get your dopamine fix. Pick something to do that will fill you up daily, weekly, monthly, consistently to keep yourself from running on empty. When you take care of you, you are able to take care of those who need you most.
Tuesday, April 28, 2015
Behavioral Challenges Continue at School
On Thursday, I was a parent chaperone for the class field trip to Legoland. My son was excited about the field trip and had counted down the days until it arrived. He had asked in the morning if he could skip taking his medication so that he could enjoy the pizza lunch that day. With much hesitation, I agreed since I would be there and could keep a close eye on him. The day was really enjoyable. His enthusiasm got loud at times, but overall he enjoyed all the activities and cooperated with his group and group leaders which were his classroom teacher and me. I was really pleased with his good choices. It gave me hope that he could indeed get through a day with little or no incidents of poor behavior.
On Friday, he asked again if he could go without medicine for a regular school day. With the encouragement of the day before, I did remind him of how he would have to really concentrate on making good choices and dealing with frustration in a way that wouldn't show disrespect or interrupt the learning of the other students. He assured me that he could do it. I dropped him off in the morning feeling hopeful. I didn't call and inform the teacher that he didn't take his meds. He and I decided to keep it to ourselves so that he could do this day on his own without any interference from me. It was a test, of sorts.
Well, our little experiment ended in a disastrous way. I got a call from the assistant principal about 40 minutes before the day was over. She stated that he had a really bad day and asked me to come right away and pick him up from school. My heart sank. Immediately, I experienced the remorse of making a bad judgement call on behalf of my son.
When I arrived in the office, the assistant principal pulled me in her office to get me up to speed. Apparently, my son had decided that he had earned participation in "Fun Friday". He got into line with the students that were going to participate in playing games and doing fun activities the last 20 minutes or so of the day. He was told that he was not going to participate, but got into line anyway. The psychologist and principal were called down to the classroom to remove him since he was being disruptive and defiant. Things escalated so much that he physically lashed out at the psychologist who was putting himself between the "Fun Friday" classroom and my son. He punched and kicked him several times and tried to slam the door on students who were entering the room to participate. He was finally restrained and carried to the office where he was placed in a chair in the principal's office. When the assistant principal finished informing me, I went into the principal's office to find the psychologist, social worker and principal there. My son was silent, but visibly upset. I was informed of everything that happened. The principal remarked that this was sadly the worst outburst they had seen from him. They were afraid for the safety of the students and staff that were involved with helping to deescalate him.
Because of his dangerous behavior and vulgar language, it was determined that a 2 day suspension was needed before he could come back to school. The principal also let me know that an incident report would be written up and a copy would be sent to us.
This has been a trying time for us. Even as my husband and I have discussed the incident with our son, he seems to think that although he made some wrong choices, he really should have been able to participate in "Fun Friday". We are finding that when he gets something in his mind, that it is really difficult for him to accept any variation of his expectations. Again, this was a day without medication. We have determined that for whatever reason, he needs to consistently take it even on the weekend. We have had similar outbursts at home as well. We have seen these outbursts increase in frequency and intensity.
What are we doing in response to this incident? I called the pediatrician to ask if we could increase his dosage. I'm not convinced the medication is completely right for him, but feel like we need to keep him on it until he sees the specialist at the end of May. After his 2 days off school, he returned to have 3 very successful days. I think he realizes that the medication does help him to some extent. He has taken it willingly each morning. Also, the team of teachers that works with him has created a point system that he requested so that he could not only earn IPad time at the end of the day, but also 3D puzzles and other fun things he enjoys as incentives for consistently good behavior. He has receive all or almost all of the possible points each of these last three days. It has been good to reinforce his success with praise and rewards.
I am glad the week ended on such a positive note. The weekend had no notable issues. I have noticed that my son has been having difficulty getting out of bed in the morning, needing more and more help from me to get up and get dressed. He has always been so independent since he was about 2, picking out his clothes and dressing himself. He would always get angry when I tried to help him because he wanted to do it himself. Lately, I am noticing some regression. He acts helpless to get going in the morning and needs a lot of attention from me. I am sensing that for some reason he needs this extra attention, so I have been accommodating his requests for help. I notice when I gave myself over to helping him cheerfully instead of being annoyed, he has gone from refusing to go to school to slowly getting ready and eating his breakfast. He has gotten on the bus each morning, though some days, I wasn't sure he was going to come around.
Today, Monday, he had another rough afternoon and ended up having to stay after school 5 min. This time it was on the higher dose of medication he just started. I am really puzzled. At home, he continued to act out more than usual. His father was able to spend some quality time with him this evening which seemed to bring about some positive change. We are finding that taking one-on-one time to build relationship is really important. It's also really difficult to do when the frustration level is high all the time. It is, however, worth the time and effort required to overlook the acting out and spend calm time talking about the issues and finding ways to affirm him. I am looking forward to getting some answers from the specialist at the end of May. Until then, we will take it day by day, prayerfully, patiently, persistently.
On Friday, he asked again if he could go without medicine for a regular school day. With the encouragement of the day before, I did remind him of how he would have to really concentrate on making good choices and dealing with frustration in a way that wouldn't show disrespect or interrupt the learning of the other students. He assured me that he could do it. I dropped him off in the morning feeling hopeful. I didn't call and inform the teacher that he didn't take his meds. He and I decided to keep it to ourselves so that he could do this day on his own without any interference from me. It was a test, of sorts.
Well, our little experiment ended in a disastrous way. I got a call from the assistant principal about 40 minutes before the day was over. She stated that he had a really bad day and asked me to come right away and pick him up from school. My heart sank. Immediately, I experienced the remorse of making a bad judgement call on behalf of my son.
When I arrived in the office, the assistant principal pulled me in her office to get me up to speed. Apparently, my son had decided that he had earned participation in "Fun Friday". He got into line with the students that were going to participate in playing games and doing fun activities the last 20 minutes or so of the day. He was told that he was not going to participate, but got into line anyway. The psychologist and principal were called down to the classroom to remove him since he was being disruptive and defiant. Things escalated so much that he physically lashed out at the psychologist who was putting himself between the "Fun Friday" classroom and my son. He punched and kicked him several times and tried to slam the door on students who were entering the room to participate. He was finally restrained and carried to the office where he was placed in a chair in the principal's office. When the assistant principal finished informing me, I went into the principal's office to find the psychologist, social worker and principal there. My son was silent, but visibly upset. I was informed of everything that happened. The principal remarked that this was sadly the worst outburst they had seen from him. They were afraid for the safety of the students and staff that were involved with helping to deescalate him.
Because of his dangerous behavior and vulgar language, it was determined that a 2 day suspension was needed before he could come back to school. The principal also let me know that an incident report would be written up and a copy would be sent to us.
This has been a trying time for us. Even as my husband and I have discussed the incident with our son, he seems to think that although he made some wrong choices, he really should have been able to participate in "Fun Friday". We are finding that when he gets something in his mind, that it is really difficult for him to accept any variation of his expectations. Again, this was a day without medication. We have determined that for whatever reason, he needs to consistently take it even on the weekend. We have had similar outbursts at home as well. We have seen these outbursts increase in frequency and intensity.
What are we doing in response to this incident? I called the pediatrician to ask if we could increase his dosage. I'm not convinced the medication is completely right for him, but feel like we need to keep him on it until he sees the specialist at the end of May. After his 2 days off school, he returned to have 3 very successful days. I think he realizes that the medication does help him to some extent. He has taken it willingly each morning. Also, the team of teachers that works with him has created a point system that he requested so that he could not only earn IPad time at the end of the day, but also 3D puzzles and other fun things he enjoys as incentives for consistently good behavior. He has receive all or almost all of the possible points each of these last three days. It has been good to reinforce his success with praise and rewards.
I am glad the week ended on such a positive note. The weekend had no notable issues. I have noticed that my son has been having difficulty getting out of bed in the morning, needing more and more help from me to get up and get dressed. He has always been so independent since he was about 2, picking out his clothes and dressing himself. He would always get angry when I tried to help him because he wanted to do it himself. Lately, I am noticing some regression. He acts helpless to get going in the morning and needs a lot of attention from me. I am sensing that for some reason he needs this extra attention, so I have been accommodating his requests for help. I notice when I gave myself over to helping him cheerfully instead of being annoyed, he has gone from refusing to go to school to slowly getting ready and eating his breakfast. He has gotten on the bus each morning, though some days, I wasn't sure he was going to come around.
Today, Monday, he had another rough afternoon and ended up having to stay after school 5 min. This time it was on the higher dose of medication he just started. I am really puzzled. At home, he continued to act out more than usual. His father was able to spend some quality time with him this evening which seemed to bring about some positive change. We are finding that taking one-on-one time to build relationship is really important. It's also really difficult to do when the frustration level is high all the time. It is, however, worth the time and effort required to overlook the acting out and spend calm time talking about the issues and finding ways to affirm him. I am looking forward to getting some answers from the specialist at the end of May. Until then, we will take it day by day, prayerfully, patiently, persistently.
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