On Thursday, I was a parent chaperone for the class field trip to Legoland. My son was excited about the field trip and had counted down the days until it arrived. He had asked in the morning if he could skip taking his medication so that he could enjoy the pizza lunch that day. With much hesitation, I agreed since I would be there and could keep a close eye on him. The day was really enjoyable. His enthusiasm got loud at times, but overall he enjoyed all the activities and cooperated with his group and group leaders which were his classroom teacher and me. I was really pleased with his good choices. It gave me hope that he could indeed get through a day with little or no incidents of poor behavior.
On Friday, he asked again if he could go without medicine for a regular school day. With the encouragement of the day before, I did remind him of how he would have to really concentrate on making good choices and dealing with frustration in a way that wouldn't show disrespect or interrupt the learning of the other students. He assured me that he could do it. I dropped him off in the morning feeling hopeful. I didn't call and inform the teacher that he didn't take his meds. He and I decided to keep it to ourselves so that he could do this day on his own without any interference from me. It was a test, of sorts.
Well, our little experiment ended in a disastrous way. I got a call from the assistant principal about 40 minutes before the day was over. She stated that he had a really bad day and asked me to come right away and pick him up from school. My heart sank. Immediately, I experienced the remorse of making a bad judgement call on behalf of my son.
When I arrived in the office, the assistant principal pulled me in her office to get me up to speed. Apparently, my son had decided that he had earned participation in "Fun Friday". He got into line with the students that were going to participate in playing games and doing fun activities the last 20 minutes or so of the day. He was told that he was not going to participate, but got into line anyway. The psychologist and principal were called down to the classroom to remove him since he was being disruptive and defiant. Things escalated so much that he physically lashed out at the psychologist who was putting himself between the "Fun Friday" classroom and my son. He punched and kicked him several times and tried to slam the door on students who were entering the room to participate. He was finally restrained and carried to the office where he was placed in a chair in the principal's office. When the assistant principal finished informing me, I went into the principal's office to find the psychologist, social worker and principal there. My son was silent, but visibly upset. I was informed of everything that happened. The principal remarked that this was sadly the worst outburst they had seen from him. They were afraid for the safety of the students and staff that were involved with helping to deescalate him.
Because of his dangerous behavior and vulgar language, it was determined that a 2 day suspension was needed before he could come back to school. The principal also let me know that an incident report would be written up and a copy would be sent to us.
This has been a trying time for us. Even as my husband and I have discussed the incident with our son, he seems to think that although he made some wrong choices, he really should have been able to participate in "Fun Friday". We are finding that when he gets something in his mind, that it is really difficult for him to accept any variation of his expectations. Again, this was a day without medication. We have determined that for whatever reason, he needs to consistently take it even on the weekend. We have had similar outbursts at home as well. We have seen these outbursts increase in frequency and intensity.
What are we doing in response to this incident? I called the pediatrician to ask if we could increase his dosage. I'm not convinced the medication is completely right for him, but feel like we need to keep him on it until he sees the specialist at the end of May. After his 2 days off school, he returned to have 3 very successful days. I think he realizes that the medication does help him to some extent. He has taken it willingly each morning. Also, the team of teachers that works with him has created a point system that he requested so that he could not only earn IPad time at the end of the day, but also 3D puzzles and other fun things he enjoys as incentives for consistently good behavior. He has receive all or almost all of the possible points each of these last three days. It has been good to reinforce his success with praise and rewards.
I am glad the week ended on such a positive note. The weekend had no notable issues. I have noticed that my son has been having difficulty getting out of bed in the morning, needing more and more help from me to get up and get dressed. He has always been so independent since he was about 2, picking out his clothes and dressing himself. He would always get angry when I tried to help him because he wanted to do it himself. Lately, I am noticing some regression. He acts helpless to get going in the morning and needs a lot of attention from me. I am sensing that for some reason he needs this extra attention, so I have been accommodating his requests for help. I notice when I gave myself over to helping him cheerfully instead of being annoyed, he has gone from refusing to go to school to slowly getting ready and eating his breakfast. He has gotten on the bus each morning, though some days, I wasn't sure he was going to come around.
Today, Monday, he had another rough afternoon and ended up having to stay after school 5 min. This time it was on the higher dose of medication he just started. I am really puzzled. At home, he continued to act out more than usual. His father was able to spend some quality time with him this evening which seemed to bring about some positive change. We are finding that taking one-on-one time to build relationship is really important. It's also really difficult to do when the frustration level is high all the time. It is, however, worth the time and effort required to overlook the acting out and spend calm time talking about the issues and finding ways to affirm him. I am looking forward to getting some answers from the specialist at the end of May. Until then, we will take it day by day, prayerfully, patiently, persistently.
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