A Success Story

Meet my daughter.  Shes an 18 year old recent high school graduate, a college freshman and has ADD. Okay, she's not officially diagnosed, but during our family's journey of discovering what ADHD looks like and having 3 brothers and a mom who have gone through the evaluation process, she has been able to recognize common characteristics in herself.  The great thing is that she has used this information to understand how things work for her and has taken a positive approach.  She embraces her "squirrel moments", can laugh at herself and takes advantage of her ability to hyper focus when it hits her.  She is not on any meds, though she has asked to be diagnosed so she can take advantage of medication to help her focus on college work.  They say that ADD people have the unique ability to think outside the box, are enormously creative and passion driven.  I see these qualities in my daughter.  She has been homeschooled through high school and has done well in that environment.  In fact, I'll let her speak for herself in a later post.

She is a success story, by God's grace.  But I also feel that being able to homeschool her for these 13 years has been part of my success story, too.  Homeschooling has probably been one of the most difficult things I have done in my life, but also one of the most rewarding.  God used our journey to teach me so much about each of my children and myself. In spite of my lack of organizational skills and feeling like I was juggling too many balls at once, my children did learn to read, write and do math, among many other things.

God has led me away from homeschooling as my daughter has graduated.  She is the oldest of 5 and in the past couple of years, I have sent the 4 boys off to public school.  I have recognized that as the kids have gotten older, I can be a better mom to them if I am not also their primary teacher.  Getting to know myself, recognizing my strengths and weaknesses - and accepting them - has been a healthy thing.

It's so easy to focus on the daily challenges and failures brought on by ADD.  However, it's a good practice to consider what is going right.  Phil. 4:8 says, "Finally brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things."

It's easy to get into a rut and rehearse the negatives in life.  I encourage you to stop and consider the successes, the blessings in your life even if you forgot to pick up the dry cleaning, lost your keys for the umpteenth time or got the credit card bill in late-or lost it altogether.  Take a moment to thank God when you get dinner on the table on time, actually remember the kids' dentist appointments or watch your daughter graduate high school with a love for learning and a passion for God.

10 Things That Only People With Attention Problems Understand

http://youtu.be/t8dJMYadkWQ

Library Woes

Okay, the other day was a really bad ADD day.  On a normal day I often wander around the house wondering why I am in the laundry room or what I came downstairs for.  Those are things I have learned to accept.  I do a lot of talking out loud to myself to keep myself on track.  My children think I'm odd.  Well, I had to take some books back to the library...oh, the library!  That is a very sore spot for my ADD self.  I have told people that I think our family could solely support our local library with all our forgotten due dates and misplaced books.  We now own, Asthma and Me, a children's book, but we don't have anyone in the family with asthma!  We looked and looked and finally gave up finding it.  Of course, after you pay for the book is the moment you find it, and it's yours forever.  Sigh.

Anyway, I turn in our two bags full of books that I checked out for myself and some of the boys, who have misplaced their library cards.  I try not to be too hard on them because I misplace stuff all the time.  Sometimes I am the one who misplaces their cards.  I grab another bagful of wonderful books.  I love cookbooks, so I usually pick up 3 or 4 of them.  Then I can't resist going to the children's library to see what picture books catch my eye.  This is what gets me into trouble.  It's not my kids, but me who checks out the innumerable books that I can read to them or just enjoy myself.  Once a homeschool mom always a homeschool mom.  I have found some amazing treasures that way.  So now it's time to check out.  I know I will have fines because the 30 plus books plus 1 DVD (ouch) I turned in are 2 weeks overdue.  I had every intention of getting there before they became late, but, you know, out of sight, out of mind.  They weren't really out of sight.  We have a basket set aside for them in the living room, but it's easy to just not see them anymore.  Can you relate to that?

Well, I dig in my purse to discover that my wallet is missing.  I had taken it out earlier to write lunch money checks for the boys and forgotten to put it back in.  But I know not to put all my cards in one place so I do have my ID, so she takes that.  As my information comes up on the screen she says, "Do you know you have $26 in fines?!"  I replied casually, "That doesn't surprise me."  So now it's time to pay the piper, I mean, the local book lending institution.  Thankfully, this is one of those very gracious check-out ladies who waves a significant portion of that amount.  Then it dawns on me.  Here I am almost out the door and said wallet also has both my cash and checkbook in it!  But as I said before, I know better than to put all my valuables in one place, so I take out my credit card and charge my library fines!  Can you believe it?! That is something I would never do...until now. But I couldn't justify leaving to get my wallet on the other side of town with all those wonderful books sitting there that might not be there when I get back. (You know, I could get distracted and forget to come back all together.)  How lame!

Have you had experiences like that where it seems like all the forgetfulness and distractability comes together at one inconvenient time? It can be so frustrating! Those are the times I can really start bashing myself.  It's infuriating!  But this time I just talked myself through it...out loud, of course.  I was in the privacy of my car by this time, so I did not reveal my strange behavior to the other patrons.  Sometimes it takes a lot of energy to intentionally choose to think correctly about a situation. That accusing voice is always ready to remind me of my faults and condemn every misstep. I could have rehearsed the whole scene over and over again in my mind focusing on what I could have done to prevent it all.  Instead I reminded myself that this doesn't happen everyday and there are other areas that I am very organized in.  Managing library books is just not one of them.  I also talked to God and intentionally thanked Him for how He created me and asked Him to help me give myself grace at that moment. Then I was ready to come home and enjoy the fruit of my trip as I browsed through my cookbooks and shared the whole frustrating experience with my daughter who listened with a knowing nod.
Just another ADDventure.

My Personal Journey

A couple of years ago I hit bottom.  I was dealing with untreated depression and undiagnosed ADHD.  I got to the point of not being able to function in my daily life and considered that maybe the world and my family would be better off without me in it.  It was a dark time.  Anger and frustration had a tight hold on me.  There was nothing tragic going on in my life, but I couldn’t see anything good about it.  In that darkness I cried out to God.  I didn’t even know what to pray except, “Help!”  My husband was deeply concerned about my state and encouraged me to get help.  

Reaching out for help started the process of healing as I was diagnosed and treated with medication.  Once my chemical imbalance was addressed, I started to realize how that had played into my inconsistent Christian life.  I loved God, but was overwhelmed with my inability to do life like I saw the Christians around me living.  Everything was always a struggle.  The voices of the past echoed my lack of worth and I was stuck in self-hatred, critical attitudes and insecurity.  I knew I needed help addressing the lies I had believed for most of my life.  I realized that I had been coping with those things in self destructive ways such as emotional eating, passivity, anger.  I was gripped by shame and guilt. Even though this time was dark, it was the first time that I had invited God to walk through it with me instead of pushing Him away.   I sensed that God was leading me to participate in Redeemed Lives, a healing ministry offered through our church.  I had no idea what it was except that people who deal with serious issues like addictions got help.  I didn’t have anything going on like that, but I knew that dealing with undiagnosed ADD all of my life to that point had shaped my identity and poor self-esteem. I had a strong desire to put myself in a place where God's word would be central to my healing process. 

God used Redeemed Lives in a significant way to free me from the bondage of self-hatred.  The Biblical principles changed my way of thinking.  I was able to trust that God’s love for me was not based on my performance, but was unconditional and strong.  Nothing I had done in the past could change that.  I was able to start believing the truth of who I am in Christ.   My head knowledge about God turned into experiential knowledge that powerfully affected my life.  Through the weekly lectures and Spirit-guided prayer for me, I experienced amazing growth and transformation.  My relationship with God has deepened and my prayer life has become rich.  One of the leaders describes Redeemed Lives as “intentional discipleship”. 

Now I am able to recognize that God created me just as I am, ADD and all.  Living out of my identity in Christ...my true self... has brought great freedom and also helps me understand my 4 children who also deal with their ADHD.  I hope I can help them recognize the challenges they deal with are not personal defects, but simply things to understand and adjust to; and that they are completely loved and accepted by God.  

A verse that has come to mean a lot to me is Zep. 3:17, "The Lord your God is with you, the Mighty Warrior who saves.  He will take great delight in you, in his love he will no longer rebuke you, but will rejoice over you with singing."