The Post Holiday Blues

Life is never static in our home.  I’m sure that is true of yours as well.  Before the holidays, I felt like we hit a groove where things were pretty predictable.  I was feeling pretty comfortable with the morning routine of getting 4 boys off to school on 3 different buses at 3 different times, making sure breakfast was eaten and nothing was forgotten as they walked out the door.  Our daily schedule was busy with homework and evening activities, but I was optimistic and full of purpose.

The week leading up to Christmas was crazy busy, but fun.    My husband took 3 weeks off which really helped us get a lot of the Christmas shopping and wrapping done ahead of time, instead of the few days before Christmas.  Doing a lot together was rewarding.  It reminded me that I really like spending time with my husband and we make a good team.  We worked hard to do all we could to eliminate last minute craziness so Christmas could be focused on Jesus’ birthday and spending time as a family.   Did it work?  In some ways it did.  However, the downtime that followed presented its own challenges.  Unstructured time made all of us who desperately need structure, irritable.  I hadn’t realized the intrinsic stress of having everyone home and pretty much together all the time.  There was a lot of activity, a lot of conflict and, oh, the noise!  Even when the kids weren’t arguing, when they are all together, they all raise their volume to be heard over each other.  Did I tell you that one of my ADD issues is that I can’t tolerate noise?  I am irritated by repetitive noises and loud voices, mostly because they short circuit my ability to think, concentrate or have a complete conversation. 

Also, the time I usually spend at the beginning of the day connecting with God through prayer and Bible study was disrupted by late nights, sleeping in and having people (loud people) around all the time.   My usual time to recharge and get centered was sporadic at best.  Being an introvert, I really need that quiet, alone time.   I noticed a difference in my ability to handle all the commotion.  I became “crabby Mom”. (I really don’t like her.)    The stress also affected my health.   I ended up with a stomach bug and elevated blood pressure.  I also hadn’t been able to take my meds regularly and noticed a gradual descent of my mood,  feeling discouraged and very pessimistic.  It is amazing how quickly that happens with a few missed doses.

I am not whining about all my woes here.  I just realized that a lot of my posts have been optimistic and encouraging.  They don’t, however, paint a complete picture of life for our family.  In the spirit of transparency, I wanted to share that we don’t always do it right.  I still struggle with depression.  Being together as a family isn’t always fun, happy times. 

One of my life verses is Lamentations 3:22-23

“The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases;
    his mercies never come to an end;
they are new every morning;
    great is your faithfulness.

I am so thankful that each day is a do-over.  Even when I wallow in my brokenness, choosing to entertain self pity and discouragement, God’s love for me doesn’t fade away.  He is not put off by my despair.  Every morning his mercies are new.  His faithfulness is trustworthy!  I finally came to my senses this afternoon and said, 

“Soul, you have a choice to keep wallowing or to believe God and take every thought captive.”  

That’s all it took for hope to return and for me to realize that others deal with this stuff, too.  I decided to share my own struggle in hopes that it would encouragement someone else who was in the same spot.  And, tomorrow is another day with new mercies and unending faithfulness from our Heavenly Father.