Six years ago we were just a "normal" family doing our best to get through each day. Homeschooling 4 kids (ages 13, 11, 8, 6), with a preschooler(age 4) in tow, was challenging, but I took it all in stride. Each child had their own strengths and challenges and if we struggled, I usually blamed myself for being a bad parent. I would be discouraged and exhausted, but just thought that raising children was just really, really hard.
Looking back, I think, "Of course it was hard because I was dealing with lots of ADHD that wasn't diagnosed, including in myself!" Now I feel so much more equipped to understand and work through the daily challenges. It's still really hard, but knowing what each child is dealing with helps me to advocate for them and encourage them. I am also always on the search for more information that will provide insight or solutions we can try in order to make life a little more manageable.
It's been 5 1/2 years since our first diagnosis. Since then, 4 more of us have one by one gone through the evaluation process and received the label: ADHD. I don't necessarily think labels are bad, depending on how they are used. With each diagnosis, I have learned a great deal, especially with my own. I marvel at the unique characteristics of each of my children and how ADHD looks so different with each one. One gets aggressive while another withdraws into a book to escape the stress of the day. Yet another has a total meltdown at the word "No" as his sister sits quietly, lost in thought, oblivious to what's going on. Even with all the knowledge that books on the subject provide, I have to be a student of each of my children to understand the challenges each faces. That's not so different from "normal" families. (What is normal, anyway?) However, each challenge presents a compounding effect on our family unit and we juggle rewards and consequences, conflict, disorganization, forgetfulness, impulsivity, and hyperactivity to the 5th power.
I still remember watching a mom with a challenging child with hidden disabilities years ago and thinking, "Thank you God for a family without those extra challenges." If I only knew what was ahead! It makes me smile sometimes. God has such a sense of irony. He probably shook his head at me and said, "Child, I have something very special for you."
My intent is not to make light of other struggles that families deal with. Life is not easy for any family. No matter what your situation, with each challenge, there is usually a special blessing if you are looking for it. I can't even count the blessings that have been a part of each challenge we have faced. Humility is one of the biggies. That's one of those reoccurring blessings. I also feel I've had an opportunity to face some fears that once would have made me crumble, like what others think of my parenting, my children and some of the poor choices they (or I) have made. There is also the joy of parenting 5 amazing individuals who will one day leave their mark on the world. They keep me in awe as I see their resilience, creativity and perspective on life. I learn from them everyday. When it comes down to it, I think "normal" is overrated.
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