Behind the Scenes of ADHD

My guest blogger is my daughter, Kayla.  She's a talented young writer.  This will give you an inside look into her thoughts.

Blank page.  Cursor blinking.  I can't do this.  This is boring.  Music would help.  I'm in the mood for Les Mis.  This is such a pretty song.

     "There is a castle on a cloud, I like to go there in my sleep..."

Oooh, sleep...I should have gotten more sleep last night.  I should Facebook Megan to ask what I should bring to that sleepover.  What?  Facebook changed their look again?  Gosh, all these statuses about snow...oh, wait, it really IS snowing.  Cool, what else?  Wow, cool picture of the ocean.  I loved when we went to the ocean.  It was so pretty and I couldn't help but see God through it.  My brothers, haha, ran right in with their clothes on.  Oh Katie posted some quote.  Who has time to read all that?  Well, it;s probably something motivational.  Why did I come on Facebook again?  Oh, brother, I can't remember.  Oh, look at that cute picture of a kitty.  I wish I had a kitty!  And all these statuses complaining about homework.  Oh, wait, I'm supposed to be doing homework!  Focus, Kayla, focus!  But it's such an empty screen.  So boring. But you have to get this done by tomorrow!  Okay, okay, but at this pace, I'll never get done.  Okay, here, I'll make myself write a paragraph before I can check Facebook again.

Okay, done with the first paragraph.  Now I can finally check Facebook again.  Well, nothing new, really.  Oh, look!  Leah's little brother baked some cookies.  Wait, what time is it?  Oh, gosh, it's 2:00 and I haven't eaten yet.  I'd better go make a sandwich.  What should I put on it?  I'll just use the turkey mom bought yesterday.  When is she getting back from her errands?  Where's the calendar?  What's today's date?  Wait, is tomorrow really the 7th?  Oh, no, I was supposed to have my current events report done by then.  I guess Disney changing the picture of Cinderella probably doesn't count as a current event, does it?  Well, I'll turn on a news station.  Maybe they'll talk about a current event.  There's just weather on these stations.  Oh, here's a station playing my favorite song!  Wait, is that the garage door?  Mom's home!  Oh, no, she'll ask me what I've done while she was gone.  Did a lot of stuff.  Didn't finish anything.  Uh, oh, here she is.

     "Kayla, I'm home!  Oh, there you are.  Look. I bought you different colored bins to put all your school stuff in, since you can't keep track of it.  I also bought you this cool notepad that you can hang up, since lists seem to help you focus.  I know how the phrase 'out of sight, out of mind' is so true for you, so I got you these neon Post-Its that you can hang up around the house to remind you to do your different chores.  What have you gotten done while I've been gone?  And why is there turkey on the counter?"

The Post Holiday Blues

Life is never static in our home.  I’m sure that is true of yours as well.  Before the holidays, I felt like we hit a groove where things were pretty predictable.  I was feeling pretty comfortable with the morning routine of getting 4 boys off to school on 3 different buses at 3 different times, making sure breakfast was eaten and nothing was forgotten as they walked out the door.  Our daily schedule was busy with homework and evening activities, but I was optimistic and full of purpose.

The week leading up to Christmas was crazy busy, but fun.    My husband took 3 weeks off which really helped us get a lot of the Christmas shopping and wrapping done ahead of time, instead of the few days before Christmas.  Doing a lot together was rewarding.  It reminded me that I really like spending time with my husband and we make a good team.  We worked hard to do all we could to eliminate last minute craziness so Christmas could be focused on Jesus’ birthday and spending time as a family.   Did it work?  In some ways it did.  However, the downtime that followed presented its own challenges.  Unstructured time made all of us who desperately need structure, irritable.  I hadn’t realized the intrinsic stress of having everyone home and pretty much together all the time.  There was a lot of activity, a lot of conflict and, oh, the noise!  Even when the kids weren’t arguing, when they are all together, they all raise their volume to be heard over each other.  Did I tell you that one of my ADD issues is that I can’t tolerate noise?  I am irritated by repetitive noises and loud voices, mostly because they short circuit my ability to think, concentrate or have a complete conversation. 

Also, the time I usually spend at the beginning of the day connecting with God through prayer and Bible study was disrupted by late nights, sleeping in and having people (loud people) around all the time.   My usual time to recharge and get centered was sporadic at best.  Being an introvert, I really need that quiet, alone time.   I noticed a difference in my ability to handle all the commotion.  I became “crabby Mom”. (I really don’t like her.)    The stress also affected my health.   I ended up with a stomach bug and elevated blood pressure.  I also hadn’t been able to take my meds regularly and noticed a gradual descent of my mood,  feeling discouraged and very pessimistic.  It is amazing how quickly that happens with a few missed doses.

I am not whining about all my woes here.  I just realized that a lot of my posts have been optimistic and encouraging.  They don’t, however, paint a complete picture of life for our family.  In the spirit of transparency, I wanted to share that we don’t always do it right.  I still struggle with depression.  Being together as a family isn’t always fun, happy times. 

One of my life verses is Lamentations 3:22-23

“The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases;
    his mercies never come to an end;
they are new every morning;
    great is your faithfulness.

I am so thankful that each day is a do-over.  Even when I wallow in my brokenness, choosing to entertain self pity and discouragement, God’s love for me doesn’t fade away.  He is not put off by my despair.  Every morning his mercies are new.  His faithfulness is trustworthy!  I finally came to my senses this afternoon and said, 

“Soul, you have a choice to keep wallowing or to believe God and take every thought captive.”  

That’s all it took for hope to return and for me to realize that others deal with this stuff, too.  I decided to share my own struggle in hopes that it would encouragement someone else who was in the same spot.  And, tomorrow is another day with new mercies and unending faithfulness from our Heavenly Father. 

Our Family Traditions

                                      
I love the Christmas season!  The kids' programs, the joy of shopping for that special gift, baking cookies, reading Christmas stories, telling and retelling THE Christmas story.  I think traditions are important.  Our family has a few. I asked my children recently what things they enjoy that we do during the Christmas season. I was surprised at their responses.

Here are a few treasured traditions:  exchanging names for Secret Angels (doing secret acts of service or leaving little gifts for each other), inviting their friends to view the local light show from our 12 passenger van and then heading back home for cookies and cider, receiving a new pair of p.j.'s on Christmas Eve, Christmas caroling for shut-ins with our church, receiving 3 gifts from us - gold (something they want), frankincense (something they need) and myrrh (a family activity we enjoy together).  This year we surprised them by going to a Tim Hawkins concert for our Myrrh!  I haven't laughed that much in some time.  Our daughter also creates and directs a Christmas show just for Mom and Dad.  It usually involves all or most of the kids doing skits, singing and playing songs, doing comedy or magic and lots of fun and silliness.

Now that we have most of the shopping and wrapping done (this is early for us...we are usually up half the night on Christmas Eve finishing the wrapping) we are starting the baking.  That's one of my favorite things.  I have each of the kids choose a type of cookie they want to make and then we bake them together.  I have a cookie recipe book I picked up several years ago that has a photograph with almost every recipe.  When my oldest were 3 & 5 we started this tradition and it has stuck all these years.  This year we are making Oatmeal Scotchies, Peanut Butter Cup Cookies, Orange Cookies with Lemon Icing (my mom's recipe), Chocolate Clouds and Chocolate Chip Macaroons. Some are new ones we're trying, some are old favorites.  The best part is spending one-on-one time with each of the kids as we bake together.  Through the years the process has expanded.  If we have time we almost always add to that list Sunset Cookies (a type of shortbread cookie that's Bob's grandmother's recipe which Bob bakes) and Krumkake, which is a Norwegian cone shaped cookie made with cardamom.  Yum!   You can see from our extensive list of cookies that it can be quite a production.  In the past few years we have shared with our neighbors as we go caroling in the neighborhood giving out plates of cookies.

I have learned to give up the expectation of getting everything done, though. I have spent many a Christmas overwhelmed and stressed out.   Last year, we let go of the baking.  We just ran out of time.  This year it's the annual Christmas picture and letter.  Every year we try to simplify just a little bit more in order to create some quiet and calm in this season of Advent.  Despite making room for these memory-making moments, we desire to be intentional about making Christ the center of our Christmas season.  Our goal is to emphasize the importance of quality family time, being generous and worshiping our Savior, whose birth we celebrate.

The Treatment Is Wrong, Not the Person

Such good advice.   As the New Year approaches, make a resolution to try something new.

The Treatment Is Wrong, Not the Person

It's the Little Things...

Tonight at dinner, I realized something.  An idea I had awhile back was catching on!  We don't do it every night at dinner, but tonight, the kids asked if we were going to do "highlights".   We have struggled with the dinner hour for some time.  I have heard it said that eating dinner together can have a positive effect on a family.  Until recently, we have not experienced that. Dinnertime was something I have dreaded.  We seem to always have negative behavior to correct.  Someone always seems to be asked to leave the table prematurely for throwing something, kicking someone under the table or stabbing someone with their fork.  You would think these children were raised in a barn! With 4 out of 7 of us diagnosed with ADHD, and four boys around our table,  our dinner hour resembles a ...I'm not sure what!  It's just very loud, there's lots of interruptions, there's lots of talk about bodily functions (or demonstrations thereof, much to my dismay), other rude behavior and lots of complaining about the food.  It can be very discouraging for a mom. However, we keep sitting down together and trying to encourage good manners, taking turns and focusing on positives when we can.

A while back I starting asking everyone to take a turn at sharing a highlight of their day.  This started several months ago.  Tonight it hit me that our persistence and consistency has started a metamorphosis!  Our loud and rowdy crowd is starting to listen to one another and share some neat things that happen to them during their day.  We still have to remind them who has the floor and encourage everyone to share something. Though tonight was not perfect by any means, I was encouraged by the level of participation and the enthusiasm expressed! Something so simple has caught their interest and they now look forward to sitting down together and sharing about their days.

One of my boys had a really good day at school.  He has really been struggling to find anything positive about school lately, so it was neat to hear how he felt successful today.  He attributed it to the coffee he drank at breakfast.  Another son decided to become a vegetarian yesterday and shared that he was able to find something to eat without meat at lunch. My youngest shared about getting to watch part of the Lion King for science as they are studying communities of living and non-living things.  My oldest son shared that a friend of his gave him a doughnut at lunch.  (Food is his love language!)  Then we decided to have some ice cream for dessert.  Everyone got up and willingly performed their after-dinner chores...willingly!... and without complaint so they could have some. Amazing!  We usually have lots of grumbling and complaining.  Things don't usually go that smoothly. I am still in shock!

Now I don't expect that every night will go down like tonight, but it was a gift of encouragement for me.  It reminds me that I get discouraged pretty easily and give up on trying new things when everyone rolls their eyes and accuses me of trying to force family togetherness down their throats.   It's nice to have some positive feedback.  I guess sticking with something and not giving up can have it's rewards.  Homework went really smoothly this evening, too!  No procrastination, no need for nagging, everyone just did their work!  I'm sure that getting everything done before "Agents of Shield" was just a coincidence:)  Whatever their motivation, I am just basking in the glow of my children's cooperation!  It's the little things...

Meds: To Take or Not To Take? That Is The Question

There has always been a big controversy over ADHD medication.  You hear things like, "Ridalin is overprescribed." or "I don't want my child living in a drug induced stupor."  Well, I'm no doctor, but I'd like to share our family's experience with meds.  I hope it brings more understanding as to it's possible benefits.

When my son was diagnosed, our psychologist recommended that we try meds to help him.  He didn't seem to have debilitating hyperactivity, but he dealt with impulsivity and emotionality that was extreme at times. Our psychologist recommended that medication could be part of a holistic approach to managing his symptoms but was not an end-all cure.  We had already tried lots of parenting and discipline strategies, but nothing seemed to affect the symptoms that created chaos in our family.  So, with much reservation, we started down the road of medication trials supervised by our pediatrician.

The doctor started our son on a very low dose (5 mg) of Ritalin.  We were to give this to him for a week and see if there were any changes.  Though my recollection is not crystal clear, I think we didn't see any change that first week.  Each week we would go up 5 mg in dosage.  Either the second or third week, we started seeing some strange behavior.  The effect seemed to be the opposite of what we wanted.  He had trouble sleeping.  I remember that one night, he was up all night in a manic state and it scared me to death!  I called the doctor the next morning and we stopped giving him the Ritalin, but started on another medication at 5 mg. It took a couple of months to find the right med and dosage.  But that second medication, Focalin XR, seemed to work at 30 mg. (That took six weeks of gradually increasing the dosage, watching and waiting!)  We could not believe the difference.  He was calm, his emotions were steady and he wasn't picking fights with his siblings all day long.  He was able to complete his schoolwork and it brought some calm to our home situation.  We didn't see evidence of over-medication. The gradual increase of dosage during medication trials is carefully monitored by a physician.  That way you get to the effective dose without exceeding it. Our son had more control over his emotions and concentration.  He stayed on that dosage of medication until we felt he was able to decide for himself what he wanted to do.  Recently, he decided he didn't want to take the medication anymore.  There are side effects that come with the meds like loss of appetite, headaches or dizziness at the onset of taking them, as well as other possible side effects.  Each individual reacts differently to the medication.  Our son didn't like that he wasn't hungry until dinner.  He also complained of stomach aches and head aches from time to time.

The next person to be diagnosed was me.  I started on an antidepressant first.  Wellbutrin is known to help ADHD symptoms as well as alleviate symptoms of depression.  I noticed a  gradual difference.  My depression lifted and I started noticing a slight improvement in my ability to focus.  The doctor suggested I begin taking Adderall and I found that 30 mg. made a huge difference in my executive functioning.  I could now do huge multi-stepped tasks and actually finish them!  My emotions were stabilized even further.  I had a general sense of well-being.  That was a new feeling for me. It wasn't a magic pill that cured everything.  I still have good and bad days.  However, I couldn't believe how it seemed to take away the static in my brain that I had never been without.  I am so thankful for the medication because it has allowed me to be more of the person I think God created me to be - more positive, less moody and frustrated and more in control. One side effect for me is loss of appetite, which actually worked to my advantage as I have lost 50 lbs that I needed to lose. Due to being in a healthier state of mind, I also started exercising and being more careful about what I eat, which contributed to my weight loss.  Another side effect is that I also have to be careful not to take my second dose any later than 1 pm or I have trouble sleeping at night.

Now that I've experienced all this from the inside, I feel like I see it from a different perspective.  I can understand that you would never tell a diabetic not to take their insulin when they know it will keep them healthy.  The same is true with ADHD meds.  There's a chemical imbalance in the brain that can be regulated through taking medication.  If a doctor recommends the benefits of meds, why would you refuse to consider it if they improve the quality of your life?

Of course, medication is not for everyone.  We've made the choice not to have our other sons who have ADHD on meds at this time. One of our sons seems to function pretty well in his school environment without being on medication.  We are trying other strategies with him to help him manage his responsibilities at school and at home.  Our youngest also had begun a medication trial.  Last year was a really rough year for him in school.  His emotionality and impulsivity led to 5 suspensions for aggressive behavior toward both teachers and students on different occasions. In the midst of those difficulties we had him evaluated for ADHD.  We then waited to see if different behavior modification strategies implemented by the teachers would help him stay in control. That didn't seem to be enough.  We felt desperate to find something that would help him. Unfortunately, we started  the medication trials too late in the school year to see significant benefits.  Over the summer, he really didn't need medication at home. Now as this school year has gotten underway, his environment and maturity has improved his ability to make better choices.  He doesn't seem to have the same emotional triggers set him off, so we decided he can do school without the meds.

For my sons, we may decide to reevaluate the benefits of meds if their struggles increase.  Also the boys may choose medication for themselves if they feel they will help them with focus and control as schoolwork becomes more rigorous.  My daughter has asked to be evaluated for ADHD because she thinks medication may help improve her concentration as she tackles college level work.  For me, I choose to take it daily and will continue to as long as I experience the benefits.

To take or not to take?  That is the question. Each family will have to choose what is most beneficial for them.  However, don't rule out medication out of fear or misinformation.  Get the facts and make an informed decision.

Some additional resources:
The Arlington Center is a local resource for families dealing with ADHD and other issues.   http://www.arlingtonctr.com/
Additional articles:
http://www.chadd.org/Membership/Attention-Magazine/View-Articles/ADHD-and-the-Decision-to-Medicate.aspx
http://www.healthyplace.com/adhd/adhd-children/adhd-medications-how-adhd-medicines-benefit-children-with-adhd/

Someone You Should Know - Ben Glenn

While I was doing some research, I discovered Ben Glenn on You Tube. He is an example of a person who has turned his disabilities into strengths.  He has turned his difficulty with academics into a platform to encourage youth and adults who may struggle with some of the same issues that he does which include dyslexia and ADHD.  He is a motivational speaker, and as I found out, a Christian!  He speaks to schools, civic organizations and church groups.  At his website, he vlogs, demonstrates his talent as a performing artist and provides information on a variety of topics.  I just want to connect you with this very talented person who has found his sweet spot and is using his life to make a positive impact on the world.  Check him out!

http://www.simplybenglenn.com/about-2/

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PJ9byGBiPlg