Being a parent of one special needs kiddo can take it's toll. If you have more than one, your reserves can get depleted even quicker. Here are some ideas for taking a break that can fill your tank so that you can be the best parent you can be for your children.
1. Quiet time alone. Take some time for yourself. Have your spouse or a friend take the children so that you can recharge. Read a book (that's not a parenting or self improvement book). Take time to pray. Write in a journal. Listen to calming music...anything that brings refreshment to your soul. Give yourself permission to have some down time.
2. Laugh. Did you know that laughter really is the best medicine? Watch a comedy, get together with friends that tickle your funny bone. Get silly with your kids.
3. Take care of your health. Eat healthy. Find a form of exercise that you enjoy and look forward to. Taking care of yourself combats the effects of stress on the body.
4. Find support. Connect with another mom who is on a similar journey as you. Having someone else who understands your daily struggles can in itself provide encouragement and hope. Be that kind of support for someone else. Look for a local support group in your area.
5. Make time for a hobby or interest. Scrapbook, paint, write, play Bunco, learn to play an instrument. Pour yourself into something that brings enjoyment and makes you feel accomplished.
6. Enjoy a healthy sex life!
Increase your dopamine levels. All of the above activities increase the production of dopamine which is the "feel good" chemical in the brain. If you are dealing with stressful circumstances it's easy to look for dopamine release through overeating, alcohol, illicit drugs or pornography. These activities can damage your physical, emotional, spiritual and relational health. Instead, find positive, beneficial ways to get your dopamine fix. Pick something to do that will fill you up daily, weekly, monthly, consistently to keep yourself from running on empty. When you take care of you, you are able to take care of those who need you most.
Thursday, April 30, 2015
Tuesday, April 28, 2015
Behavioral Challenges Continue at School
On Thursday, I was a parent chaperone for the class field trip to Legoland. My son was excited about the field trip and had counted down the days until it arrived. He had asked in the morning if he could skip taking his medication so that he could enjoy the pizza lunch that day. With much hesitation, I agreed since I would be there and could keep a close eye on him. The day was really enjoyable. His enthusiasm got loud at times, but overall he enjoyed all the activities and cooperated with his group and group leaders which were his classroom teacher and me. I was really pleased with his good choices. It gave me hope that he could indeed get through a day with little or no incidents of poor behavior.
On Friday, he asked again if he could go without medicine for a regular school day. With the encouragement of the day before, I did remind him of how he would have to really concentrate on making good choices and dealing with frustration in a way that wouldn't show disrespect or interrupt the learning of the other students. He assured me that he could do it. I dropped him off in the morning feeling hopeful. I didn't call and inform the teacher that he didn't take his meds. He and I decided to keep it to ourselves so that he could do this day on his own without any interference from me. It was a test, of sorts.
Well, our little experiment ended in a disastrous way. I got a call from the assistant principal about 40 minutes before the day was over. She stated that he had a really bad day and asked me to come right away and pick him up from school. My heart sank. Immediately, I experienced the remorse of making a bad judgement call on behalf of my son.
When I arrived in the office, the assistant principal pulled me in her office to get me up to speed. Apparently, my son had decided that he had earned participation in "Fun Friday". He got into line with the students that were going to participate in playing games and doing fun activities the last 20 minutes or so of the day. He was told that he was not going to participate, but got into line anyway. The psychologist and principal were called down to the classroom to remove him since he was being disruptive and defiant. Things escalated so much that he physically lashed out at the psychologist who was putting himself between the "Fun Friday" classroom and my son. He punched and kicked him several times and tried to slam the door on students who were entering the room to participate. He was finally restrained and carried to the office where he was placed in a chair in the principal's office. When the assistant principal finished informing me, I went into the principal's office to find the psychologist, social worker and principal there. My son was silent, but visibly upset. I was informed of everything that happened. The principal remarked that this was sadly the worst outburst they had seen from him. They were afraid for the safety of the students and staff that were involved with helping to deescalate him.
Because of his dangerous behavior and vulgar language, it was determined that a 2 day suspension was needed before he could come back to school. The principal also let me know that an incident report would be written up and a copy would be sent to us.
This has been a trying time for us. Even as my husband and I have discussed the incident with our son, he seems to think that although he made some wrong choices, he really should have been able to participate in "Fun Friday". We are finding that when he gets something in his mind, that it is really difficult for him to accept any variation of his expectations. Again, this was a day without medication. We have determined that for whatever reason, he needs to consistently take it even on the weekend. We have had similar outbursts at home as well. We have seen these outbursts increase in frequency and intensity.
What are we doing in response to this incident? I called the pediatrician to ask if we could increase his dosage. I'm not convinced the medication is completely right for him, but feel like we need to keep him on it until he sees the specialist at the end of May. After his 2 days off school, he returned to have 3 very successful days. I think he realizes that the medication does help him to some extent. He has taken it willingly each morning. Also, the team of teachers that works with him has created a point system that he requested so that he could not only earn IPad time at the end of the day, but also 3D puzzles and other fun things he enjoys as incentives for consistently good behavior. He has receive all or almost all of the possible points each of these last three days. It has been good to reinforce his success with praise and rewards.
I am glad the week ended on such a positive note. The weekend had no notable issues. I have noticed that my son has been having difficulty getting out of bed in the morning, needing more and more help from me to get up and get dressed. He has always been so independent since he was about 2, picking out his clothes and dressing himself. He would always get angry when I tried to help him because he wanted to do it himself. Lately, I am noticing some regression. He acts helpless to get going in the morning and needs a lot of attention from me. I am sensing that for some reason he needs this extra attention, so I have been accommodating his requests for help. I notice when I gave myself over to helping him cheerfully instead of being annoyed, he has gone from refusing to go to school to slowly getting ready and eating his breakfast. He has gotten on the bus each morning, though some days, I wasn't sure he was going to come around.
Today, Monday, he had another rough afternoon and ended up having to stay after school 5 min. This time it was on the higher dose of medication he just started. I am really puzzled. At home, he continued to act out more than usual. His father was able to spend some quality time with him this evening which seemed to bring about some positive change. We are finding that taking one-on-one time to build relationship is really important. It's also really difficult to do when the frustration level is high all the time. It is, however, worth the time and effort required to overlook the acting out and spend calm time talking about the issues and finding ways to affirm him. I am looking forward to getting some answers from the specialist at the end of May. Until then, we will take it day by day, prayerfully, patiently, persistently.
On Friday, he asked again if he could go without medicine for a regular school day. With the encouragement of the day before, I did remind him of how he would have to really concentrate on making good choices and dealing with frustration in a way that wouldn't show disrespect or interrupt the learning of the other students. He assured me that he could do it. I dropped him off in the morning feeling hopeful. I didn't call and inform the teacher that he didn't take his meds. He and I decided to keep it to ourselves so that he could do this day on his own without any interference from me. It was a test, of sorts.
Well, our little experiment ended in a disastrous way. I got a call from the assistant principal about 40 minutes before the day was over. She stated that he had a really bad day and asked me to come right away and pick him up from school. My heart sank. Immediately, I experienced the remorse of making a bad judgement call on behalf of my son.
When I arrived in the office, the assistant principal pulled me in her office to get me up to speed. Apparently, my son had decided that he had earned participation in "Fun Friday". He got into line with the students that were going to participate in playing games and doing fun activities the last 20 minutes or so of the day. He was told that he was not going to participate, but got into line anyway. The psychologist and principal were called down to the classroom to remove him since he was being disruptive and defiant. Things escalated so much that he physically lashed out at the psychologist who was putting himself between the "Fun Friday" classroom and my son. He punched and kicked him several times and tried to slam the door on students who were entering the room to participate. He was finally restrained and carried to the office where he was placed in a chair in the principal's office. When the assistant principal finished informing me, I went into the principal's office to find the psychologist, social worker and principal there. My son was silent, but visibly upset. I was informed of everything that happened. The principal remarked that this was sadly the worst outburst they had seen from him. They were afraid for the safety of the students and staff that were involved with helping to deescalate him.
Because of his dangerous behavior and vulgar language, it was determined that a 2 day suspension was needed before he could come back to school. The principal also let me know that an incident report would be written up and a copy would be sent to us.
This has been a trying time for us. Even as my husband and I have discussed the incident with our son, he seems to think that although he made some wrong choices, he really should have been able to participate in "Fun Friday". We are finding that when he gets something in his mind, that it is really difficult for him to accept any variation of his expectations. Again, this was a day without medication. We have determined that for whatever reason, he needs to consistently take it even on the weekend. We have had similar outbursts at home as well. We have seen these outbursts increase in frequency and intensity.
What are we doing in response to this incident? I called the pediatrician to ask if we could increase his dosage. I'm not convinced the medication is completely right for him, but feel like we need to keep him on it until he sees the specialist at the end of May. After his 2 days off school, he returned to have 3 very successful days. I think he realizes that the medication does help him to some extent. He has taken it willingly each morning. Also, the team of teachers that works with him has created a point system that he requested so that he could not only earn IPad time at the end of the day, but also 3D puzzles and other fun things he enjoys as incentives for consistently good behavior. He has receive all or almost all of the possible points each of these last three days. It has been good to reinforce his success with praise and rewards.
I am glad the week ended on such a positive note. The weekend had no notable issues. I have noticed that my son has been having difficulty getting out of bed in the morning, needing more and more help from me to get up and get dressed. He has always been so independent since he was about 2, picking out his clothes and dressing himself. He would always get angry when I tried to help him because he wanted to do it himself. Lately, I am noticing some regression. He acts helpless to get going in the morning and needs a lot of attention from me. I am sensing that for some reason he needs this extra attention, so I have been accommodating his requests for help. I notice when I gave myself over to helping him cheerfully instead of being annoyed, he has gone from refusing to go to school to slowly getting ready and eating his breakfast. He has gotten on the bus each morning, though some days, I wasn't sure he was going to come around.
Today, Monday, he had another rough afternoon and ended up having to stay after school 5 min. This time it was on the higher dose of medication he just started. I am really puzzled. At home, he continued to act out more than usual. His father was able to spend some quality time with him this evening which seemed to bring about some positive change. We are finding that taking one-on-one time to build relationship is really important. It's also really difficult to do when the frustration level is high all the time. It is, however, worth the time and effort required to overlook the acting out and spend calm time talking about the issues and finding ways to affirm him. I am looking forward to getting some answers from the specialist at the end of May. Until then, we will take it day by day, prayerfully, patiently, persistently.
Thursday, April 23, 2015
Something New About ADHD!
I am amazed at how continued research is bringing deeper understanding of brain function or malfunction. If you think you understand ADHD, this ADDitude Magazine article discusses commonly held beliefs about the impairment and presents some myth-busting information.
ADHD Awareness Month: Learning About The New ADHD
ADHD Awareness Month: Learning About The New ADHD
Wednesday, April 22, 2015
Challenges Arise
In this post I am journaling about a series of events that took place over the course of about a week's time. I wrote it down for myself, but thought I'd share it to show how things can go smoothly for a long time and then challenges will develop gradually where success was experienced in the past. This week was a red flag that the meds need to be adjusted. The focalin allows my son to focus, but doesn't provide optimal control over his emotional outbursts. We are looking into seeing a specialist who can help fine-tune his medications. I am hopeful. I am also thankful for the teachers and staff at the school that work together with me to support my son.
Day 1: Wednesday. I am at the dentist with one of my children when I realize I had received 2 calls from the school. When I call back the principal tells me my son refused to get on the bus and to please come pick him up. I head to the school and as I pull up I see 2 police cars parked by the front door. My thought, "Uh, oh! This must be bad." As I open the door to the entryway, the resource teacher and psychologist are sitting there. I enter the office to find my son sitting down talking to 2 policemen. I say out loud to the principal who comes to meet me, "This must be bad." She takes me to her office to explain that my son has had a rough afternoon. It started at lunch, continued during gym and the afternoon classwork. When he refused to get on the bus, the school attempted to contact me. When they couldn't reach me a second time, the principal called the police for assistance. (It's school policy to call the police if a parent is unreachable and the child needs transportation home.) She assured me that my son wasn't in trouble, but the officers were taking the opportunity to chat with him about the situation. They were very friendly.
Day 2: Thursday. I decide to avoid further trouble and go pick my son up from school. I wait and wait in the pick up line, but no child. Then the principal comes out and asks me to park and come in. She leads me to his classroom where the asst. principal, classroom teacher and resource teacher are all standing with him outside his classroom. The classroom teacher describes in great detail the behavior he has exhibited that afternoon. He refused to work, scribbled on a worksheet, drew on his hands with a marker, became defiant and disruptive. He was removed from the classroom and as the principal and assistant principal tried to talk with him about his behavior, he kicked the principal and swung his backpack at both of them. The principal then hands me an envelope that contains a letter that states that he's being suspended for the next day because of his aggressive behavior.
Day 3: Friday. He is home with me for the day. He must work with me and stick by me when I am doing things around the house. No video games. No movies. We are able to talk about what happened, but he isn't able to pinpoint what triggered his behavior. I really believe he doesn't know. He feels bad. We talk further and he decides he should apologize to those he hurt or was disrespectful to at school. There are no outbursts during the day.
Uneventful weekend
Day 4: Monday. He gets on the bus and goes to school a little apprehensive about additional consequences because of Thursday. I get a call from the nurse about an hour after school starts. She asks me if he has taken his meds. I check his place at the table and realize he left his medication sitting where he ate breakfast. He probably forgot to take it. She asks me to bring it in. I drop it off at school. He carries it out of the office and heads back to class. When I get home, I receive a second call. This time it's from the asst. principal. My son refused to take his medication because one of his teachers touched it. I talk to him on the phone and get nowhere with him. He is asked to stay in the office until he takes it since he had been disruptive in the classroom. I get a call from the nurse about 30 minutes later that he finally took his meds and headed back to class. Later that afternoon (at the end of the school day) I get a call from the office asking when I will be there to pick my son up. By this time I am in downtown Chicago. My son refused to get on the bus again. He was told specifically to ride the bus home since I would be in Chicago for the afternoon. Finally the principal offers to take him home and asks me to call her the next day to schedule an appointment.
Day 5: Tuesday. Appointment is cancelled because of other time commitments. The teacher e-mails me to tell me he had a good day.
Day 6: Wednesday. No calls during the day. I go to pick my son up from school and the principal comes out to the car to tell me that he had a bad afternoon. He refused to take the math test. He wrote 12's for every answer and was disruptive to the other students. He again writes on his hands with marker and pokes himself with pencils. The principal says that he is unable to listen when he gets like that. She says she'll call me tomorrow and let me know when the team can get together with me. She explains that she would like to brainstorm ideas to help support my son. Whew! I thought she wanted to talk to me about leaving him at school without a ride home the day before.
Day 7: Thursday. I hear nothing from school. Usually no news is good news.
Day 8: Friday before spring break. I pick my son up from school. The resource teacher comes to the car to tell me that he had a great day. She said that Thursday was also a good day. They initiated an incentive of 15 min. of IPad time at the end of the day if he does well after lunch. I think they started that on Thursday. It's a simple modification but seems to be enough to motivate him to stay in control.
Spring Break should provide a needed break for everyone. Starting fresh after a week off may be just what is needed. I hope so.
Day 1: Wednesday. I am at the dentist with one of my children when I realize I had received 2 calls from the school. When I call back the principal tells me my son refused to get on the bus and to please come pick him up. I head to the school and as I pull up I see 2 police cars parked by the front door. My thought, "Uh, oh! This must be bad." As I open the door to the entryway, the resource teacher and psychologist are sitting there. I enter the office to find my son sitting down talking to 2 policemen. I say out loud to the principal who comes to meet me, "This must be bad." She takes me to her office to explain that my son has had a rough afternoon. It started at lunch, continued during gym and the afternoon classwork. When he refused to get on the bus, the school attempted to contact me. When they couldn't reach me a second time, the principal called the police for assistance. (It's school policy to call the police if a parent is unreachable and the child needs transportation home.) She assured me that my son wasn't in trouble, but the officers were taking the opportunity to chat with him about the situation. They were very friendly.
Day 2: Thursday. I decide to avoid further trouble and go pick my son up from school. I wait and wait in the pick up line, but no child. Then the principal comes out and asks me to park and come in. She leads me to his classroom where the asst. principal, classroom teacher and resource teacher are all standing with him outside his classroom. The classroom teacher describes in great detail the behavior he has exhibited that afternoon. He refused to work, scribbled on a worksheet, drew on his hands with a marker, became defiant and disruptive. He was removed from the classroom and as the principal and assistant principal tried to talk with him about his behavior, he kicked the principal and swung his backpack at both of them. The principal then hands me an envelope that contains a letter that states that he's being suspended for the next day because of his aggressive behavior.
Day 3: Friday. He is home with me for the day. He must work with me and stick by me when I am doing things around the house. No video games. No movies. We are able to talk about what happened, but he isn't able to pinpoint what triggered his behavior. I really believe he doesn't know. He feels bad. We talk further and he decides he should apologize to those he hurt or was disrespectful to at school. There are no outbursts during the day.
Uneventful weekend
Day 4: Monday. He gets on the bus and goes to school a little apprehensive about additional consequences because of Thursday. I get a call from the nurse about an hour after school starts. She asks me if he has taken his meds. I check his place at the table and realize he left his medication sitting where he ate breakfast. He probably forgot to take it. She asks me to bring it in. I drop it off at school. He carries it out of the office and heads back to class. When I get home, I receive a second call. This time it's from the asst. principal. My son refused to take his medication because one of his teachers touched it. I talk to him on the phone and get nowhere with him. He is asked to stay in the office until he takes it since he had been disruptive in the classroom. I get a call from the nurse about 30 minutes later that he finally took his meds and headed back to class. Later that afternoon (at the end of the school day) I get a call from the office asking when I will be there to pick my son up. By this time I am in downtown Chicago. My son refused to get on the bus again. He was told specifically to ride the bus home since I would be in Chicago for the afternoon. Finally the principal offers to take him home and asks me to call her the next day to schedule an appointment.
Day 5: Tuesday. Appointment is cancelled because of other time commitments. The teacher e-mails me to tell me he had a good day.
Day 6: Wednesday. No calls during the day. I go to pick my son up from school and the principal comes out to the car to tell me that he had a bad afternoon. He refused to take the math test. He wrote 12's for every answer and was disruptive to the other students. He again writes on his hands with marker and pokes himself with pencils. The principal says that he is unable to listen when he gets like that. She says she'll call me tomorrow and let me know when the team can get together with me. She explains that she would like to brainstorm ideas to help support my son. Whew! I thought she wanted to talk to me about leaving him at school without a ride home the day before.
Day 7: Thursday. I hear nothing from school. Usually no news is good news.
Day 8: Friday before spring break. I pick my son up from school. The resource teacher comes to the car to tell me that he had a great day. She said that Thursday was also a good day. They initiated an incentive of 15 min. of IPad time at the end of the day if he does well after lunch. I think they started that on Thursday. It's a simple modification but seems to be enough to motivate him to stay in control.
Spring Break should provide a needed break for everyone. Starting fresh after a week off may be just what is needed. I hope so.
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