Our Family Traditions

                                      
I love the Christmas season!  The kids' programs, the joy of shopping for that special gift, baking cookies, reading Christmas stories, telling and retelling THE Christmas story.  I think traditions are important.  Our family has a few. I asked my children recently what things they enjoy that we do during the Christmas season. I was surprised at their responses.

Here are a few treasured traditions:  exchanging names for Secret Angels (doing secret acts of service or leaving little gifts for each other), inviting their friends to view the local light show from our 12 passenger van and then heading back home for cookies and cider, receiving a new pair of p.j.'s on Christmas Eve, Christmas caroling for shut-ins with our church, receiving 3 gifts from us - gold (something they want), frankincense (something they need) and myrrh (a family activity we enjoy together).  This year we surprised them by going to a Tim Hawkins concert for our Myrrh!  I haven't laughed that much in some time.  Our daughter also creates and directs a Christmas show just for Mom and Dad.  It usually involves all or most of the kids doing skits, singing and playing songs, doing comedy or magic and lots of fun and silliness.

Now that we have most of the shopping and wrapping done (this is early for us...we are usually up half the night on Christmas Eve finishing the wrapping) we are starting the baking.  That's one of my favorite things.  I have each of the kids choose a type of cookie they want to make and then we bake them together.  I have a cookie recipe book I picked up several years ago that has a photograph with almost every recipe.  When my oldest were 3 & 5 we started this tradition and it has stuck all these years.  This year we are making Oatmeal Scotchies, Peanut Butter Cup Cookies, Orange Cookies with Lemon Icing (my mom's recipe), Chocolate Clouds and Chocolate Chip Macaroons. Some are new ones we're trying, some are old favorites.  The best part is spending one-on-one time with each of the kids as we bake together.  Through the years the process has expanded.  If we have time we almost always add to that list Sunset Cookies (a type of shortbread cookie that's Bob's grandmother's recipe which Bob bakes) and Krumkake, which is a Norwegian cone shaped cookie made with cardamom.  Yum!   You can see from our extensive list of cookies that it can be quite a production.  In the past few years we have shared with our neighbors as we go caroling in the neighborhood giving out plates of cookies.

I have learned to give up the expectation of getting everything done, though. I have spent many a Christmas overwhelmed and stressed out.   Last year, we let go of the baking.  We just ran out of time.  This year it's the annual Christmas picture and letter.  Every year we try to simplify just a little bit more in order to create some quiet and calm in this season of Advent.  Despite making room for these memory-making moments, we desire to be intentional about making Christ the center of our Christmas season.  Our goal is to emphasize the importance of quality family time, being generous and worshiping our Savior, whose birth we celebrate.

The Treatment Is Wrong, Not the Person

Such good advice.   As the New Year approaches, make a resolution to try something new.

The Treatment Is Wrong, Not the Person

It's the Little Things...

Tonight at dinner, I realized something.  An idea I had awhile back was catching on!  We don't do it every night at dinner, but tonight, the kids asked if we were going to do "highlights".   We have struggled with the dinner hour for some time.  I have heard it said that eating dinner together can have a positive effect on a family.  Until recently, we have not experienced that. Dinnertime was something I have dreaded.  We seem to always have negative behavior to correct.  Someone always seems to be asked to leave the table prematurely for throwing something, kicking someone under the table or stabbing someone with their fork.  You would think these children were raised in a barn! With 4 out of 7 of us diagnosed with ADHD, and four boys around our table,  our dinner hour resembles a ...I'm not sure what!  It's just very loud, there's lots of interruptions, there's lots of talk about bodily functions (or demonstrations thereof, much to my dismay), other rude behavior and lots of complaining about the food.  It can be very discouraging for a mom. However, we keep sitting down together and trying to encourage good manners, taking turns and focusing on positives when we can.

A while back I starting asking everyone to take a turn at sharing a highlight of their day.  This started several months ago.  Tonight it hit me that our persistence and consistency has started a metamorphosis!  Our loud and rowdy crowd is starting to listen to one another and share some neat things that happen to them during their day.  We still have to remind them who has the floor and encourage everyone to share something. Though tonight was not perfect by any means, I was encouraged by the level of participation and the enthusiasm expressed! Something so simple has caught their interest and they now look forward to sitting down together and sharing about their days.

One of my boys had a really good day at school.  He has really been struggling to find anything positive about school lately, so it was neat to hear how he felt successful today.  He attributed it to the coffee he drank at breakfast.  Another son decided to become a vegetarian yesterday and shared that he was able to find something to eat without meat at lunch. My youngest shared about getting to watch part of the Lion King for science as they are studying communities of living and non-living things.  My oldest son shared that a friend of his gave him a doughnut at lunch.  (Food is his love language!)  Then we decided to have some ice cream for dessert.  Everyone got up and willingly performed their after-dinner chores...willingly!... and without complaint so they could have some. Amazing!  We usually have lots of grumbling and complaining.  Things don't usually go that smoothly. I am still in shock!

Now I don't expect that every night will go down like tonight, but it was a gift of encouragement for me.  It reminds me that I get discouraged pretty easily and give up on trying new things when everyone rolls their eyes and accuses me of trying to force family togetherness down their throats.   It's nice to have some positive feedback.  I guess sticking with something and not giving up can have it's rewards.  Homework went really smoothly this evening, too!  No procrastination, no need for nagging, everyone just did their work!  I'm sure that getting everything done before "Agents of Shield" was just a coincidence:)  Whatever their motivation, I am just basking in the glow of my children's cooperation!  It's the little things...

Meds: To Take or Not To Take? That Is The Question

There has always been a big controversy over ADHD medication.  You hear things like, "Ridalin is overprescribed." or "I don't want my child living in a drug induced stupor."  Well, I'm no doctor, but I'd like to share our family's experience with meds.  I hope it brings more understanding as to it's possible benefits.

When my son was diagnosed, our psychologist recommended that we try meds to help him.  He didn't seem to have debilitating hyperactivity, but he dealt with impulsivity and emotionality that was extreme at times. Our psychologist recommended that medication could be part of a holistic approach to managing his symptoms but was not an end-all cure.  We had already tried lots of parenting and discipline strategies, but nothing seemed to affect the symptoms that created chaos in our family.  So, with much reservation, we started down the road of medication trials supervised by our pediatrician.

The doctor started our son on a very low dose (5 mg) of Ritalin.  We were to give this to him for a week and see if there were any changes.  Though my recollection is not crystal clear, I think we didn't see any change that first week.  Each week we would go up 5 mg in dosage.  Either the second or third week, we started seeing some strange behavior.  The effect seemed to be the opposite of what we wanted.  He had trouble sleeping.  I remember that one night, he was up all night in a manic state and it scared me to death!  I called the doctor the next morning and we stopped giving him the Ritalin, but started on another medication at 5 mg. It took a couple of months to find the right med and dosage.  But that second medication, Focalin XR, seemed to work at 30 mg. (That took six weeks of gradually increasing the dosage, watching and waiting!)  We could not believe the difference.  He was calm, his emotions were steady and he wasn't picking fights with his siblings all day long.  He was able to complete his schoolwork and it brought some calm to our home situation.  We didn't see evidence of over-medication. The gradual increase of dosage during medication trials is carefully monitored by a physician.  That way you get to the effective dose without exceeding it. Our son had more control over his emotions and concentration.  He stayed on that dosage of medication until we felt he was able to decide for himself what he wanted to do.  Recently, he decided he didn't want to take the medication anymore.  There are side effects that come with the meds like loss of appetite, headaches or dizziness at the onset of taking them, as well as other possible side effects.  Each individual reacts differently to the medication.  Our son didn't like that he wasn't hungry until dinner.  He also complained of stomach aches and head aches from time to time.

The next person to be diagnosed was me.  I started on an antidepressant first.  Wellbutrin is known to help ADHD symptoms as well as alleviate symptoms of depression.  I noticed a  gradual difference.  My depression lifted and I started noticing a slight improvement in my ability to focus.  The doctor suggested I begin taking Adderall and I found that 30 mg. made a huge difference in my executive functioning.  I could now do huge multi-stepped tasks and actually finish them!  My emotions were stabilized even further.  I had a general sense of well-being.  That was a new feeling for me. It wasn't a magic pill that cured everything.  I still have good and bad days.  However, I couldn't believe how it seemed to take away the static in my brain that I had never been without.  I am so thankful for the medication because it has allowed me to be more of the person I think God created me to be - more positive, less moody and frustrated and more in control. One side effect for me is loss of appetite, which actually worked to my advantage as I have lost 50 lbs that I needed to lose. Due to being in a healthier state of mind, I also started exercising and being more careful about what I eat, which contributed to my weight loss.  Another side effect is that I also have to be careful not to take my second dose any later than 1 pm or I have trouble sleeping at night.

Now that I've experienced all this from the inside, I feel like I see it from a different perspective.  I can understand that you would never tell a diabetic not to take their insulin when they know it will keep them healthy.  The same is true with ADHD meds.  There's a chemical imbalance in the brain that can be regulated through taking medication.  If a doctor recommends the benefits of meds, why would you refuse to consider it if they improve the quality of your life?

Of course, medication is not for everyone.  We've made the choice not to have our other sons who have ADHD on meds at this time. One of our sons seems to function pretty well in his school environment without being on medication.  We are trying other strategies with him to help him manage his responsibilities at school and at home.  Our youngest also had begun a medication trial.  Last year was a really rough year for him in school.  His emotionality and impulsivity led to 5 suspensions for aggressive behavior toward both teachers and students on different occasions. In the midst of those difficulties we had him evaluated for ADHD.  We then waited to see if different behavior modification strategies implemented by the teachers would help him stay in control. That didn't seem to be enough.  We felt desperate to find something that would help him. Unfortunately, we started  the medication trials too late in the school year to see significant benefits.  Over the summer, he really didn't need medication at home. Now as this school year has gotten underway, his environment and maturity has improved his ability to make better choices.  He doesn't seem to have the same emotional triggers set him off, so we decided he can do school without the meds.

For my sons, we may decide to reevaluate the benefits of meds if their struggles increase.  Also the boys may choose medication for themselves if they feel they will help them with focus and control as schoolwork becomes more rigorous.  My daughter has asked to be evaluated for ADHD because she thinks medication may help improve her concentration as she tackles college level work.  For me, I choose to take it daily and will continue to as long as I experience the benefits.

To take or not to take?  That is the question. Each family will have to choose what is most beneficial for them.  However, don't rule out medication out of fear or misinformation.  Get the facts and make an informed decision.

Some additional resources:
The Arlington Center is a local resource for families dealing with ADHD and other issues.   http://www.arlingtonctr.com/
Additional articles:
http://www.chadd.org/Membership/Attention-Magazine/View-Articles/ADHD-and-the-Decision-to-Medicate.aspx
http://www.healthyplace.com/adhd/adhd-children/adhd-medications-how-adhd-medicines-benefit-children-with-adhd/

Someone You Should Know - Ben Glenn

While I was doing some research, I discovered Ben Glenn on You Tube. He is an example of a person who has turned his disabilities into strengths.  He has turned his difficulty with academics into a platform to encourage youth and adults who may struggle with some of the same issues that he does which include dyslexia and ADHD.  He is a motivational speaker, and as I found out, a Christian!  He speaks to schools, civic organizations and church groups.  At his website, he vlogs, demonstrates his talent as a performing artist and provides information on a variety of topics.  I just want to connect you with this very talented person who has found his sweet spot and is using his life to make a positive impact on the world.  Check him out!

http://www.simplybenglenn.com/about-2/

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PJ9byGBiPlg

The 7 Types of ADD and How to Treat Each One

This is so interesting.  I am wondering if my kids all deal with a different variation of ADD.



The 7 Types of ADD and How to Treat Each One

My Story: Raising (and Surviving) Three ADHD Children

I am encouraged when I hear stories like this.  Their life wasn't perfect, but Diane found ways to manage difficult seasons like preparing for the school year.  Raising ADHD kids is a very intense season of life that seems to be unending. However, I am reminded that though the days sometimes seem to drag on, the years fly by.  I hope I can look back and realize that in the midst of all the chaos we laughed and cried and I did my best to raise our impulsive, distracted, wonderful children.



My Story: Raising (and Surviving) Three ADHD Children

Embracing Your ADHD

When I looked up and read the preceding article, "ADHD in College" by Grace Friedman, I went to the website mentioned and found a great resource.  Grace has written a guide for ADHD teens and tweens from an ADHD teen.  Embracing Your ADHD is a well written, organized guide to understanding your diagnosis in the voice of a teenager.  It covers Signs of ADHD, Emotional Challenges, Medication, Coping Tactic and Strategies among other topics.  Grace is thorough in her explanations but qualifies her guide:

"This is not a medical Guide, it is a personal one. My 

goal is to help you understand, cope with and 

ultimately accept your ADHD. I am an ADDYTeen, 

just like you, and my advice is simple: Why wait? 

Start now! Embrace your ADHD." 

I just love that Grace has turned a potential challenge into an opportunity to educate other teens.  She had the vision to not only inform, but encourage other teens to accept their diagnosis and thrive.  Her experience was a diagnosis, receiving medication and then being left to cope on her own. Instead of letting that defeat her, she turned it into a chance to research and write a guide that she wished she would have had when she was diagnosed and offering it for the benefit of others like herself.  She became a trailblazer!  Such an ADHD trait.  Way to go, Grace!

In the following YouTube clip (7 minutes), you will be introduced to Grace and her guide as well as hear from a clinical psychologist, Dr. Keith Sutton.  His explanation of the disorder is very detailed.  Some people think that ADHD just means someone is wiggly and has a short attention span.  Dr. Sutton expands on that understanding by discussing all the characteristics of this neurobiological disorder.  You can receive this free download,  Embracing Your ADHD , by going to www.addyteen.com.

I also recommend the website and guide to parents of ADHD kids or anyone who would like to gain more understanding about ADHD.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K0hVBfqu_gU

ADHD in College

Wow!  Here is a girl who knows herself and is sharing her ADHD experience with others making the transition from high school to college.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/grace-friedman/adhd-in-college_b_5916650.html

ADHD Medications: Are There Any Long-Term Side Effects, Risks?

I hope to post about meds in the near future, but here is some information that may help in making that decision.



ADHD Medications: Are There Any Long-Term Side Effects, Risks?

Let's Get Practical

When I was first diagnosed 2 years ago, it was actually a big relief!  I have heard that a sense of relief is common in later diagnosis of ADHD.  It was like a huge "AH HA" moment!

Now I understand why I can't organize myself out of a paper bag and "rabbit trail" myself in mid sentence and don't have the patience for difficult/multi-stepped tasks and get easily overwhelmed and why my emotions feel so intense and why I have trouble connecting with people and can't stand parties and crowds and have the capacity to create the longest run-on sentence known to man!

Then I went through a grieving stage about all those wasted years.  Why did I go undiagnosed for so long? Why didn't anyone catch this when I was young?  46 years!  That's a long time!  The emotional damage of living with a cluttered mind, not being able to relate well to people, being frustrated all the time and also dealing with chronic depression was devastating. 

I also grieved for my husband who has had to deal with my emotionality all of our married life, being uber self-conscious about social events, indecisiveness, and moody, moody, moody! Not to mention the fact that he's a cleanie and I'm a messie.  Yikes!  He has had to endure a lot! 

Then comes the stage of "okay, what now?"  Now that I know I am not the most deficient human being on the planet and not the only person who struggles with these symptoms...what now?  Do I just accept it and use it as an excuse to keep living the way I have been living?

You know what my answer is going to be, right?  A big fat NO!  One of the things I so enjoy doing is researching stuff.  I love looking through cookbooks for new recipes, reading book after book on home organization (ironic, isn’t it?) or coming up with resources on a particular subject to pass on to a friend.  Now I put my research passion to work.  I am so glad a friend recommended Dr. Edward Hallowell's books to me and that I picked them up first.  I love Dr. Hallowell's take on ADHD.  He emphasizes the positive attributes of individuals with ADHD and also talks about how to deal positively with the challenges.  He, himself, was diagnosed with ADHD, so he speaks from both a professional and personal point of view.  I think I read 6-8 books right away on all kinds of information on ADHD, ADD organization, nutrition, etc.  I wanted to become an expert so I could know what I was dealing with.

http://www.drhallowell.com/

Once my brain was full, I verbally processed it with people, asked questions, and tried to pinpoint things I could do differently to overcome some of the challenges.  I recognized the following things would help me:

1.  Healthy, Balanced Diet  

You know, eliminating red dye #40,

sugar, processed foods, etc.

2.     Exercise  

Boy! That has really been something

that has become a priority.  It stabilizes me.

It clears my head and gets those endorphins going.

3.     Take my meds religiously  

I can't tell you how much the

Wellbutrin and Adderall help

my overall outlook on life.

I can really tell when I miss a

day or forget to take the Adderall

in the morning.  I go from a mean,

green cleaning machine to wandering

around the house wondering what to

tackle first but giving up because it's

all so overwhelming.

4.     Renew my mind  

This one is ongoing.

I have to intentionally

replace those tapes in my

head that continually

remind me of what a failure

I am and how I can't change.

That's where Redeemed Lives

(see My Personal Journey)

comes in as well as private

counseling and daily prayer and

Bible study.  Even with all that

going on, I can still fall back into

those negative cycles.

It's a constant battle.

5.     Accept my weaknesses  

This is a biggie, because even if

I do the first 4 things as I should,

I still can't keep more than a couple

plates spinning at a time.  I still misplace

stuff, get frustrated with the clutter in

the house, and forget appointments,

but I'm making progress.  Some days are

just bad days, but I'm getting okay with that.

Being a pessimist and a perfectionist works

against me, but I am learning to take it a day

at a time and celebrate what goes right.

(That’s a big deal for a pessimist!)

Really, it's not just 5 simple steps to overcoming all things ADD.  I attribute the healing I have received to the Lord.  On my own, I could have never kept even 2 things up consistently.  Daily surrendering my life to God and giving Him access to those wounded places has brought the most significant change.  To His Glory!

Of course, I am always reading about new strategies to try, making my lists, setting my timers and reminders, talking out loud to myself, etc.  Knowledge is power, if you put it to good use.  

So that's how I armed myself with knowledge to begin to make adjustments to my life and my children's lives after my diagnosis.   As a result we are better informed and able to handle the daily challenges of our Family ADDventures.

Resources:

http://www.amazon.com/Driven-Distraction-Revised-Recognizing-Attention/dp/0307743152/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1411693227&sr=1-1&keywords=dr.+hallowell

http://www.amazon.com/Answers-Distraction-Edward-Hallowell-M-D/dp/0307456390/ref=sr_1_4?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1411693273&sr=1-4&keywords=dr.+hallowell

http://www.amazon.com/Delivered-Distraction-Getting-

Attention-Disorder/dp/0345442318/ref=sr_1_2?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1411693273&sr=1-2&keywords=dr.+hallowell

ADDitude Magazine - additudemag.com

http://untappedbrilliance.com/blog

http://www.amazon.com/Disorganized-Mind-Coaching-Control-Talents/dp/0312355343/ref=sr_1_9?ie=UTF8&qid=1411693029&sr=8-9&keywords=books+on+ADHD

Children with ADHD: Health and Happiness

I really appreciate Dr. Hallowell's advice about connection, practice and mastery.



Children with ADHD: Health and Happiness

Focus on the Family Article

This article includes a first person account of what a boy experienced in his academic environment.  Even though I deal with symptoms myself, sometimes it's still hard to understand the daily challenges my kids face in the classroom.  It is true that you have to take a different approach to training and discipline, too.  We have found that many of the normal avenues haven't worked for our children - and each one responds differently.

How To Help an ADHD Child

No Nagging or Yelling: Better ADHD Discipline

I don't think you need to have an ADHD child to use these strategies.  Being an ADHD mom, I have to really be aware of my own emotions.  So many times, the angry words come out before I even have a chance to think.  I am having to develop the discipline of addressing my own emotions during explosive episodes before dealing with my kids' behavior and emotions.  My encouragement to you is patience, patience, patience.  Keep practicing the right approach to discipling.  You will mess up, but the more you practice speaking calmly, not getting dragged into the firestorm, maybe even giving yourself a time out before you deal with your child, the more consistently you will do the right thing!  Think of it less as punishment and more as training!



No Nagging or Yelling: Better ADHD Discipline

Nothing Ever (Could Separate Us)

Nothing Can Separate Us!

"For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord."  Rom. 8:28

Wow!  That is an amazing truth.  I was reflecting on that verse this morning while I was on my walk and it occurred to me...NOTHING can separate us from God's love in Christ Jesus!   Not ADHD, not depression, not mental illness nor anything else in all creation!  On the surface, that seems like a no brainer until I thought of the ways I have let things separate me from Christ's love.

Sometimes I have said to myself after saying an unkind word to one of my children,

"Shoot!  There I go again.  My ADD's to blame!"  

Other times I have tried to recall a verse in the moment, but it was out of reach in my muddled mind.  Then I mutter:

"I guess I can't memorize Scripture.  I can never seem to remember anything."  

Lies, lies...all lies!  My excuses were just rationalization for not doing something differently.

As I was thinking about the truth of Rom. 8:28, I remembered that it's not a great memory or being the model parent that keeps me close to Jesus.  It's His love.  In this fallen world, there are lots of things that don't work right.  But here's the thing.  God already knows that we're all broken in some way.  Whether it be neurologically, emotionally, physically or morally, that's why Jesus had to die for each of us.  The very things that tend to become barriers to my relationship with Christ should actually be the things that draw me closer to Him!  The reason I was thinking this was because I was pondering what keeps me from experiencing this amazing love.  It's making agreements with the enemy of our souls.  John and Stasi Eldridge talk about agreements in their book, Love & War.  It has really helped me recognize when I am living out of a lie instead of God's truth.  They say,
                     

"Now, what this father of lies does is put his "spin" on a situation.  It typically comes as a "thought" or a "feeling."  ...What Satan is hoping for is to secure from us an "agreement," a very subtle

but momentous shift in us, where we believe the spin, we go with the feeling, and we accept as reality the deception he is presenting.  (It always feels so true.) ...Once we buy in to the lie and make the agreement, we come under the spell and come under the influence of that interpretation of events.  Then it pretty much plays itself out; becoming self-fulfilling."

It's so easy to believe that many things can separate us from God's love.  The agreements may sound like this:

"I'm not good enough".  

"Why try.  I'll just fail."  

"I don't know how to hear God's voice."  

"Maybe He just doesn't speak to me."  

"My thoughts are so confused. I can't make sense of reading the Bible."

Do these sound familiar?  They sure do to me.  However, I am coming to actually appreciate the fallen-ness of being human.  Sometimes I still struggle and I get sucked into an agreement, but I am reminded that even a spiritual giant like the apostle Paul struggled with something that he wanted to get rid of and asked God to take away three times, but God said,

 "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." 2 Cor. 12:9

So, when I am tempted to make agreements, it's really an opportunity to trust God and lean into Him instead of believing those negative thoughts.  I am so glad God left us a love letter, the Bible.  I can trust what it says. And what it says is that nothing, no, nothing can separate us from God's love!

A Success Story

Meet my daughter.  Shes an 18 year old recent high school graduate, a college freshman and has ADD. Okay, she's not officially diagnosed, but during our family's journey of discovering what ADHD looks like and having 3 brothers and a mom who have gone through the evaluation process, she has been able to recognize common characteristics in herself.  The great thing is that she has used this information to understand how things work for her and has taken a positive approach.  She embraces her "squirrel moments", can laugh at herself and takes advantage of her ability to hyper focus when it hits her.  She is not on any meds, though she has asked to be diagnosed so she can take advantage of medication to help her focus on college work.  They say that ADD people have the unique ability to think outside the box, are enormously creative and passion driven.  I see these qualities in my daughter.  She has been homeschooled through high school and has done well in that environment.  In fact, I'll let her speak for herself in a later post.

She is a success story, by God's grace.  But I also feel that being able to homeschool her for these 13 years has been part of my success story, too.  Homeschooling has probably been one of the most difficult things I have done in my life, but also one of the most rewarding.  God used our journey to teach me so much about each of my children and myself. In spite of my lack of organizational skills and feeling like I was juggling too many balls at once, my children did learn to read, write and do math, among many other things.

God has led me away from homeschooling as my daughter has graduated.  She is the oldest of 5 and in the past couple of years, I have sent the 4 boys off to public school.  I have recognized that as the kids have gotten older, I can be a better mom to them if I am not also their primary teacher.  Getting to know myself, recognizing my strengths and weaknesses - and accepting them - has been a healthy thing.

It's so easy to focus on the daily challenges and failures brought on by ADD.  However, it's a good practice to consider what is going right.  Phil. 4:8 says, "Finally brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things."

It's easy to get into a rut and rehearse the negatives in life.  I encourage you to stop and consider the successes, the blessings in your life even if you forgot to pick up the dry cleaning, lost your keys for the umpteenth time or got the credit card bill in late-or lost it altogether.  Take a moment to thank God when you get dinner on the table on time, actually remember the kids' dentist appointments or watch your daughter graduate high school with a love for learning and a passion for God.

10 Things That Only People With Attention Problems Understand

http://youtu.be/t8dJMYadkWQ

Library Woes

Okay, the other day was a really bad ADD day.  On a normal day I often wander around the house wondering why I am in the laundry room or what I came downstairs for.  Those are things I have learned to accept.  I do a lot of talking out loud to myself to keep myself on track.  My children think I'm odd.  Well, I had to take some books back to the library...oh, the library!  That is a very sore spot for my ADD self.  I have told people that I think our family could solely support our local library with all our forgotten due dates and misplaced books.  We now own, Asthma and Me, a children's book, but we don't have anyone in the family with asthma!  We looked and looked and finally gave up finding it.  Of course, after you pay for the book is the moment you find it, and it's yours forever.  Sigh.

Anyway, I turn in our two bags full of books that I checked out for myself and some of the boys, who have misplaced their library cards.  I try not to be too hard on them because I misplace stuff all the time.  Sometimes I am the one who misplaces their cards.  I grab another bagful of wonderful books.  I love cookbooks, so I usually pick up 3 or 4 of them.  Then I can't resist going to the children's library to see what picture books catch my eye.  This is what gets me into trouble.  It's not my kids, but me who checks out the innumerable books that I can read to them or just enjoy myself.  Once a homeschool mom always a homeschool mom.  I have found some amazing treasures that way.  So now it's time to check out.  I know I will have fines because the 30 plus books plus 1 DVD (ouch) I turned in are 2 weeks overdue.  I had every intention of getting there before they became late, but, you know, out of sight, out of mind.  They weren't really out of sight.  We have a basket set aside for them in the living room, but it's easy to just not see them anymore.  Can you relate to that?

Well, I dig in my purse to discover that my wallet is missing.  I had taken it out earlier to write lunch money checks for the boys and forgotten to put it back in.  But I know not to put all my cards in one place so I do have my ID, so she takes that.  As my information comes up on the screen she says, "Do you know you have $26 in fines?!"  I replied casually, "That doesn't surprise me."  So now it's time to pay the piper, I mean, the local book lending institution.  Thankfully, this is one of those very gracious check-out ladies who waves a significant portion of that amount.  Then it dawns on me.  Here I am almost out the door and said wallet also has both my cash and checkbook in it!  But as I said before, I know better than to put all my valuables in one place, so I take out my credit card and charge my library fines!  Can you believe it?! That is something I would never do...until now. But I couldn't justify leaving to get my wallet on the other side of town with all those wonderful books sitting there that might not be there when I get back. (You know, I could get distracted and forget to come back all together.)  How lame!

Have you had experiences like that where it seems like all the forgetfulness and distractability comes together at one inconvenient time? It can be so frustrating! Those are the times I can really start bashing myself.  It's infuriating!  But this time I just talked myself through it...out loud, of course.  I was in the privacy of my car by this time, so I did not reveal my strange behavior to the other patrons.  Sometimes it takes a lot of energy to intentionally choose to think correctly about a situation. That accusing voice is always ready to remind me of my faults and condemn every misstep. I could have rehearsed the whole scene over and over again in my mind focusing on what I could have done to prevent it all.  Instead I reminded myself that this doesn't happen everyday and there are other areas that I am very organized in.  Managing library books is just not one of them.  I also talked to God and intentionally thanked Him for how He created me and asked Him to help me give myself grace at that moment. Then I was ready to come home and enjoy the fruit of my trip as I browsed through my cookbooks and shared the whole frustrating experience with my daughter who listened with a knowing nod.
Just another ADDventure.

My Personal Journey

A couple of years ago I hit bottom.  I was dealing with untreated depression and undiagnosed ADHD.  I got to the point of not being able to function in my daily life and considered that maybe the world and my family would be better off without me in it.  It was a dark time.  Anger and frustration had a tight hold on me.  There was nothing tragic going on in my life, but I couldn’t see anything good about it.  In that darkness I cried out to God.  I didn’t even know what to pray except, “Help!”  My husband was deeply concerned about my state and encouraged me to get help.  

Reaching out for help started the process of healing as I was diagnosed and treated with medication.  Once my chemical imbalance was addressed, I started to realize how that had played into my inconsistent Christian life.  I loved God, but was overwhelmed with my inability to do life like I saw the Christians around me living.  Everything was always a struggle.  The voices of the past echoed my lack of worth and I was stuck in self-hatred, critical attitudes and insecurity.  I knew I needed help addressing the lies I had believed for most of my life.  I realized that I had been coping with those things in self destructive ways such as emotional eating, passivity, anger.  I was gripped by shame and guilt. Even though this time was dark, it was the first time that I had invited God to walk through it with me instead of pushing Him away.   I sensed that God was leading me to participate in Redeemed Lives, a healing ministry offered through our church.  I had no idea what it was except that people who deal with serious issues like addictions got help.  I didn’t have anything going on like that, but I knew that dealing with undiagnosed ADD all of my life to that point had shaped my identity and poor self-esteem. I had a strong desire to put myself in a place where God's word would be central to my healing process. 

God used Redeemed Lives in a significant way to free me from the bondage of self-hatred.  The Biblical principles changed my way of thinking.  I was able to trust that God’s love for me was not based on my performance, but was unconditional and strong.  Nothing I had done in the past could change that.  I was able to start believing the truth of who I am in Christ.   My head knowledge about God turned into experiential knowledge that powerfully affected my life.  Through the weekly lectures and Spirit-guided prayer for me, I experienced amazing growth and transformation.  My relationship with God has deepened and my prayer life has become rich.  One of the leaders describes Redeemed Lives as “intentional discipleship”. 

Now I am able to recognize that God created me just as I am, ADD and all.  Living out of my identity in Christ...my true self... has brought great freedom and also helps me understand my 4 children who also deal with their ADHD.  I hope I can help them recognize the challenges they deal with are not personal defects, but simply things to understand and adjust to; and that they are completely loved and accepted by God.  

A verse that has come to mean a lot to me is Zep. 3:17, "The Lord your God is with you, the Mighty Warrior who saves.  He will take great delight in you, in his love he will no longer rebuke you, but will rejoice over you with singing."

Welcome to my world

Welcome to my world.  I am a mom of 5 children, the wife of one husband and every day is an ADDventure at our house.  You see, in the past few years, 4 of us have been diagnosed with ADHD.  It's been a long and arduous journey, but with the knowledge we have acquired,  it has brought understanding and hope.  This first entry is difficult for me to begin since our story is long and complicated.  I would like to open the door to our world a little at a time so as not to overwhelm you.  My desire is to share our struggles and victories in order to bring hope to other families with similar challenges.  I know that if I had known there were others like ourselves out there years ago, I would not have wasted so much time blaming or condemning myself as a bad parent or sub par human being.  The one element of my story that has been a source of constant strength is my personal relationship with Jesus Christ.  Without my faith in the Lord, I don't know where I or my family would be right now.  So my desire is to share how my faith impacts my daily life as I trust the Lord to give me wisdom in mothering 5 very unique, very wonderful, though sometimes incredibly challenging children.  I hope you will be encouraged and enlightened as you peek into our lives and share in our Family ADDventures.